La Douleur Exquise

Forty-Five

"When did you know?" When the silence has lingered for too long, I ask the one question that's been on my mind for a while. Having taken on board the fact that Darcie hates the nickname I've given her recently, I avoid calling her by any name, worried about what would happen if I made that mistake. "How long has this been going on for?"

"How long?" Darcie's voice sounds a little lost as she thinks of her answer, but after a few minutes, she gives a derisive laugh. "Too long. Way too long."

I think back over the last year or two, trying to pinpoint any situations that would have led to today. After wracking my brain, I come up short because ever since Darcie and I met, she's shown me nothing but contempt. I can't remember a single time when there was ever a civil moment between her and me, not that it mattered. Somewhere between her throwing me glares and me rolling my eyes at her, she fell in love with me and I never saw it happening. 

"Can I ask you something?" I heard Darcie's weak voice ask me. She placed the tequila bottle on the steps near her feet and shifted to face me, her eyes holding confusion and interest within them. When I nod, she opens her mouth tentatively, almost like she's rethinking her question. But she doesn't. "Did you really not know?"

I shake my head vehemently. "I honestly had no idea. I thought you hated me. I mean, how was I supposed to work it out when you kept calling a dumbass?!"

"Everyone else knew," Darcie admits. Her confession made my heart beat ten times faster than normal and I can't help but splutter something that vaguely sounded like 'everyone?' Darcie nodded with a pained look on her face. "Want to know why I call you a dumbass? Because that's what you are for never noticing it."

I laugh, even though it's not a laughing matter. I think I just wanted to try and break the tension that had built up between us. Thankfully, Darcie cracked a smile and laughed along with me. I watched as the corners of her mouth quirked upwards, her eyes narrowed as they crinkled at the sides, and her cheeks flush a soft pink. She looked happy and carefree and... well, she looked beautiful when she was like this. 

Of course, nothing that perfect can ever last and as the laughter flitted away, Darcie's guard began to go back up. She no longer smiled, her eyes were downcast and her face paled as she turned her face forwards in sadness. A long shaky breath left her lips and I couldn't help but notice how her shoulders folded in on herself, protecting her from the outside world.

Protecting her from me. 

That's when I realized why she'd been so against me from the moment I became a part of her life. If she had had these feelings for me before I started dated Mia, she needed to guard her heart. That's why she'd always hated me, not because she truly did hate me but because she had to. She had to distance herself from me, from her feelings for me. 

It wasn't Darcie's fault that she was heartbroken; It was mine.