Fat Albert

Sitting Time

MOOOOOOOOM!!!! Albert is sitting on me again. MOOOMMM!!!

That's my sister, Tracy. And my name is Albert. Albert Frittlecawk. Yeah, you heard me. Albert Frittlecawk. That is the worst name in the history of names. But that is not the bad thing about me. I'm in high school and I am...............

FAT.

That is why my sister is screaming in agony. Her face just turned red. Now purple. Now green. Now orange. Okay, now back to green. Do you think I should get off of her? Nah she needs more pain. You know why I am sitting on her. It is a long, long story. Well, actually it is not that long. Let me show you why.

It all started this morning when I did my regular day:

First I put some water on my toothbrush so my parents would think I am brushing my teeth.

Next I blended 2 pounds of bacon in a blender and drank it.

Then I watched 5 episodes of Family Guy on TV.

After that I ate second breakfast which was 5 sausages.

Okay so I grabbed my backpack and left it on the couch so I can get my jacket. When I found it I put it on grabbed my backpack and left.

While I was walking to school I saw a huge dog running after me! I was terrified and ran quickly while the dog frantically ran after me. When he chased me four about 2 blocks I passed out and fell in to some mud.

My backpack fell off my back and landed on the ground. The dog stopped right in front of me and dug its nose in to my backpack. While I was on the floor I saw something red he was chewing on. It was hard to see because my head hurt.

I finally reached school covered in mud but only one thing popped into my head. What was the red thing he was eating? I got an idea. I could smell my backpack and see what was in there that the dog wanted to eat. As soon I smelled my backpack, I knew exactly what the dog was eating.

MEAT.

Duh. That is the only thing a dog would eat in the first place besides dog food. But the next question was “Why was meat in my backpack?” When I walked in people were looking at me funny. One I was covered in mud and second I was fat. Yeah this is the kind of fat I am talking about already knew it was going to be a hard day.