When Dad died, Hiro was the first one who saw through my weakness. We've been mourning for more than a week, grieving every day. My entire world fell apart. My heart was torn apart. But I was the first who stood tall because I knew I had to be strong for both my mother and my sister, just like how Dad was. I had to become the best.
"Are you okay, Rin?" she asked me back then. Her grandparents, a close family friend of ours, requested that Hiro come over that weekend, in order to witness the wake of those who died in the storm.
"I'm fine" I assure her, smiling through the pain, knowing that despite the number of days I did nothing but cry, it was time to put that in the past.
"You can cry you know" she sees through the smile I wore, and immediately I start bawling my eyes out.
"I have to... be strong for Mom... and Gou" I say through sobs, and right then she hugs me tight.
"I know," she pats my head assuringly, "but you can always let it out when you feel like you'll explode."
When I was down in the dumps it was always Hiro who had been there for me. She was like a hero, telling me to let it all out rather than to cheer up and get over it. Who would've thought she'd be the first person to add fuel to the fire.
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"I never thought you'd turn out to be this pathetic" she tells me as she finds me in the park, the moment after I lost the finals. I was looking at the tree that greatly resembled the cherry blossom tree back in Iwatobi Elementary School.
"I thought you wouldn't come and watch?" I asked, wondering what she even came here for in the first place.
"Gou told me to come, told me to watch you race, told me that if it was me, I might find a way to help you" she says. "I know that that's all bullshit, but a part of me wanted to know how much you actually changed."
"I didn't think you'd turn out to be this pitiful," she adds, and right then, I knew, this girl hated my guts. Hiro never talked down on others. She never judged or scorned them. But for the first time I witnessed them do the unexpected.
"So you came here to mock me. Go ahead and laugh." I invited her, I didn't think what she'd say next would leave a scar.
"The Rin I knew, never gave up on his dream no matter what was in his way."
"I'm not the Rin you knew back then. He's been gone the moment you left"
"I left? Ha? I was always on your side Rin! Have you even read the last letter I've written to you? Do you even understand what you're saying?" She glares at me spitefully. "I was always there until you fucking pushed me away."
With that, the girl turns her heel and leaves me alone. And for once in the span of time I've spent together with her, Hiro never looked back.
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When I finally patched things up with Haru and everyone else, when I've finally swam the way I wanted to swim, when everything was back to the way it used to be, I searched for her by the stalls.
She was gone.
Hiro Akiyama didn't bother to watch the relay. Didn't even see that part of the old me was finally back.
Then, I realize what she's told me. "I was always on your side Rin! Have you even read the last letter I've written to you? Do you even understand what you're saying?"
Once we were dismissed, I immediately hurried back to the Samezuka's dormitory to scavenge my desk for that letter of hers I've kept all these years.
In the first drawer of my desk was a letter Hiro wrote on the winter of our first year in middle school. It was the letter I never bothered to open. It was the letter I last received from her after I sent a hasty letter telling her to never contact me again, that it would have been better if we never met again. I've always thought it'd say something along the lines of "I never wanted to meet you either." And yet, I was in for a surprise when I finally opened the letter and read it for the sake of knowing.
Dear Rin,
I cannot be more happy than I already am, knowing that you're a cocky exchange student who moved all the way to Australia just to chase his dreams. Cheers to the moments you strived. Cheers to the moments we've enjoyed. Cheers to you, who's out there in the world.
If you ever feel like giving up, I hope you remember why you chose your dream in the first place. Swim to be free, you don't have to swim for everyone who's expecting from you. Swim because you want to, it's alright to hit a wall sometimes. Swim for your dream, I'd like to see you in the big stage. No matter what you go through over there, know that I'm here for you if you need someone by your side. I'm sure you'd get over whatever it is that you're going through. By the time you read this, I hope you remember who I am despite all the other people you probably met there. (If not, I'll drag you back to Japan myself.)
But, jokes aside, I just want you to know, that I miss you a fucking lot, and that of all the good and bad things, the one I'd like you to remember most is my thanks. After all, I never got to thank you for all these years have I?
Thank you for all the summer escapades. Thank you for all the small things and the big ones. Thank you for the memories, the good and the bad. The one time you saved me by the river side, the one time you tripped by the seashore. Thank you for the smiles and the laughter. Thank you for showing me a part of you. Thank you for existing.
I know you'd like to hear all this in person but I couldn't help but write this because I miss you so much and this is the only way I could tell you how I feel. I miss the way your eyes crinkle when you smile. I miss the sound of your voice when you call my name. I miss the way you swim, the way you never get tired of doing things you like. I miss your ugly face, your long hair and shark-like teeth. I miss your boisterous personality, the way you never gave up.
I miss you is what I'd like to say. I miss you and I miss everything I like about you.
And boy do I like you a lot, Rin. I never said it, nor did I ever get the guts to say it, but I hope you'll come to acknowledge the fact that I do. I miss you so come home.
— Hiro
P.S. I know there aren't any shrines in Australia so I bought you an Omamori to help you if you ever feel like you want to stop swimming. Please don't push me away. I'm may not always be here but I'm here for you, no doubt.
It was neatly folded in an envelope which contained an amulet which had the word "Happiness" written on it. Tears started gushing out of my eyes as soon as I read it.
How could I have been so stupid to push away what could have been the best thing that's ever happened to be?
And so I ran. I ran towards her grandparents' house, the first street after the river bank. I ran towards the girl who had been the light in the dark. I ran towards the girl I pushed away. I ran towards the girl I fell in love with. I ran towards Hiro Akiyama, and never in my life did I regret that.
