Inner Discord

Chapter 17

I swung my katana down, expecting to feel it slice flesh. No random flesh though; the flesh of someone I had, or it least so I thought, befriended. It seemed like the sword took forever before it was close enough to Boeithe's neck. But then I saw tears coming out of her eyes, and I realized that what I was doing was completely wrong; I don't want to take someone's life, you know. I'd much rather spare it. Aphron saw I was hesitating and made my memory clear again, his voice clearly spotting with me: 'Did you already forget how you killed Arthur? The blood spatted everywhere! You know that someone cared about Arthur too, right? He was the pet of Eu's wife.'

I came to a shock when I heard that. Had I ever been like that? Had I ever been such a psychopath? But he was right. How could this ever happen? Wasn't it a lot more fun to help people, to save them, than to take their lives away and kill 'em? Where had my morality gone at that moment?! Aphron laughed at me. 'It seems I was right after all. You do not yet possess the courage to kill somebody dear to you, Phoneus. You'll have to continue my training.'

These words seemed to encourage me one or other way. I lifted my katana again, ready to try to strike a second time. But this time, Boeithe turned to me, in tears, screaming that she actually did not want to die yet. I was confused. I felt multiple emotions at the same time, of which I did not even know it was possible to have them at the same time. I did not know what to do with them. What was I even trying to accomplish? What was it that I cared for enough to kill someone I had saved at first. But when I took a closer look at Boeithe's face, the pure despair that I had never witnessed before, those eyes, in which lay such an angst of death that I was influenced by them too. I did not know what was real and what wasn't anymore, I could not differentiate good and bad anymore. Ultimately I burst out in tears myself, screaming that I couldn't do it. Aphron had trumped me.

The latter seemed to rather enjoy this show, like he was watching a movie in the cinema. It went to such extent that when I had calmed down again, he stood up, clapping his hands. 'Now, that was quite a show,' he grinned. 'I thought you were going to give up earlier. Now, have you realized, Phoneus, that you can't possibly complete the quest yet?'

Quest? What quest was he babbling about? 'I do not know what you mean,' I yelled at him. 'I'd rather stop this once and for all, Aphron! This was emotionally already heavy enough!'

'I'll explain it later, when the time has come, Phoneus. Now, I'm willing to let you go out of here, but then your choice must be very clear.'

How had this fellow such a talent of confusing me?! 'What's it now? What do you mean, choice?!'

'That'll come later, too. Please allow me to first ask you a few questions.'

'Why would I listen to you?'

'Could you please be a little more polite, Phoneus? Now, the first question, why could you not kill Boeithe? With your intellect, you must certainly be capable of solving something as simple as that, ain't it?' Aphron's voice was almost too sarcastic to be real.

That was true. Whilst we had been discussing, she had gone to a corner of the room, crying, alone. At this time I wondered how I had not been able to kill such a pathetic creature, which confused me even more. But his question had me thinking. I answered the most trivial answer you can find. 'I dunno. A kinda love, perhaps?'

Aphron apparently found my answer being pretty funny, because he burst out in laughter, for the umpteenth time. His answer was something I had not been expecting either: 'If that's what you want to think, Phoneus, then clearly you're not fit to work together with me.' 

Aphron made a gesture with his hand, apparently using one of his magics, because soon after, Ophelimos came in, carrying with him a sack made out of straw. In it, something seemed to move. Ophelimos opened it and held it upside down. What I thought were some dirty rags fell out of it. Somehow, it looked familiar to me. Aphron spoke up again: 'This man is one you eagerly wanted to kill a few hours ago. I wonder, will you be able to kill him now?'

At first, I didn't get what he meant. Then I took a closer look at the thing and recognized him as being Boeithe's bully. He was unconscious and I was disgusted. His face was all beaten up, swollen blue everywhere. Because his mouth was opened, I could see some teeth were missing. His eye was put out of his eye socket, and hung to the face with just a nerve. His hair was all bloody. In his nose, blood clots apparently prevented him from breathing that way; that was probably why his mouth was opened. Upon all that, he missed a foot and his clothes were torn apart completely. I wanted to vomit.

When Aphron saw the abhorrence in my eyes, he bluffed: 'Can you not even kill this man? You know that you put him in this state, right? Shouldn't you get him out of this suffering?'

Although I knew he wasn't in such a horrible state when he had run away, I was horrified nevertheless. This meant Aphron believed that I was capable of doing this to a person. Was that really true? Did I want to believe that? Aphron decided to throw some oil on the fire, claiming that this was my fault, that I had to blame for it by killing him. I felt attacked, looking for some support, but Boeithe was unconscious, Ophelimos had already left and I was not naive enough to believe Aphron would let it slide just like this. Because I saw no other option, I yelled with all my might: 'I don't believe you! You made this up to trap me, right! You want me to commit suicide, don't you!'

Aphron responded very calmly and soothing, probably wanting to get on my nerves even more. 'No, Phoneus, you know I need you. I just want you to realize you need my help, that's all I want. Beside, what I told you is true. You can believe what you want, but it is true. Isn't it, you-whose-name-I-forgot?' He paused and I was surprised to see the man actually nodded at this. 'You should kill this man. Realize the darkness that lies within you, awaken it. You'll feel lots better afterward.'

I looked around me, kind of waiting for a deus ex machina to happen. But nothing happened. I was left alone, forced to obey Aphron. I picked up my katana, ready to stab the man. What should I have done else? It was the only option I saw at that moment. I closed my eyes, who were watery because of my tears, and stabbed. The man let out one last moan before he died. It looked like he blamed me for all that had happened even after I had killed him. But Aphron had apparently been right. The joy that I had felt when I had killed Arthur filled me again, I was reviving. But then I saw that Boeithe had become conscious again. Her eyes were opened widely, completely terrified by my actions.