Explaining the Soul

The Worst Feeling

The worst Feeling

The worst feeling is when you cannot escape yourself

You're not truly ever trapped

With any one else

You cannot escape your own name

Or leave your own head

Or lose your own brain!

Being paranoid is like going insane

You feel so stuck

Like your spirit is bound by unbreakable, invisible, chains

Your feet are caught in the muck!

People tell you to snap out of it

But you don't know what it IS

You tell yourself to snap out of it

But then, again, you're thinking!

You're not sure if you're truly feeling

Or simply thinking

Is something wrong with my breathing?

Why am I reeling?

If I tell someone about this,

Will they believe me?

You ask others, during the day

For conformation

Of the normality

Of your condition

But then night returns and doubts rage

I have this odd ache

I cannot stop sighing

Am I about to break?

Am I dying?

In your bed you lay

Hours upon hours on the clock

Change from night to day

And you haven't left Yoder's dock

You know you need to sleep

But how can you?

It would help, perhaps, to have someone with to Speak

But there is nothing you can do

You're alone, left to watch time go by

With every passing moment

Your anxiety continues to rise

You did not used to care about sleep

But now it seems the only way

To, past your anxiety, leap

Jump to a new day

In these waiting hours

You wonder what kind of terrible thing could occur

Maybe your dinner sours?

Maybe your depression begins to churn

And every morning it seems better

Like it may be okay

Like a change in the whether

But then it decays

The clouds roll in

As you're alone within

Your mind

For what seems like never ending time

~~~

I was sick for a while a few months ago. Every night I woke up with awful reflux. I have a phobia of being ill and can make myself ill by thinking about it. Esophageal reflux can be triggered by stress and since I was stressed about it, I was continually getting it. Therefore, I never knew if I was really sick or simply feeling sick because I though I would. This all seemed ridiculous and frustrating to me so I wrote this poem

Your faithful Writer, Lewis