This Story Has No Name

chapter three

"now what do we do?" Obama asked.

"we gots to get ridda da evidence," santa said.

"BACKPACK, SUCK UP ALL THE EVIDENCE!" Dora commanded.

"yum yum yum yum yum deliciousoso!" backpack said.

"where do we go next?" Dora asked the map.

"We need to go to england and kill the Screaming Siren," the map replied with gusto.

"where dat be?"  Santa asked, puzzled.

"i think its in Paris," Obama scratched his hairless chin.

"where paris at?" santa asked.

"its in Norway. don't you know ANYTHING?" Dora popped out her hip.

"Bitch, don't make me snap mah fingas in a ZEE FOR-MAY-SHUN!" Santa said, also popping out his hip.

"COME AT ME MUTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Dora screamed, taking on a kung-fu position.

"BITCH, IT IN ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!!!" Santa screamed back, lunging at Dora.

"CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT!" obama cheered.  

Santa threw the first punch, and Dora returned it with a sharp uppercut to the chin. Dora grabbed a fistful of Santa's beard and ripped the hair out while Santa did the same to her Afro. Santa pushed Dora over into the muddy riverbank and sat on Dora's back.

"STOP! YOU'RE CRUSHING MY SKIN! ILL GET WRINKLES!!!!!" The map cried. "BACKPACK, REGURGITATE SOME WRINKLE CREAM!" 

backpack puked wrinkle cream all over map's face. Santa was repeatedly smashing dora's face into the mud. 

"EAT DIRT YOU STUPID BITCH! EAT DIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTT!!!!" he yelled.

"okay guys, that's enough." Obama snapped his fingers, wiggled his ears, and stuck one finger up his nose. magic sparkles from his nostril traveled through the air and hit Santa. Dora and Santa separated like glue. Santa immediately began singing.

"WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS? WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS?" he sang

"because i don't LIKE you," Dora said.

"DAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDD! DORA IS BEING MEAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!" Santa whined.

"I'm not your dad," Obama said.

"Luke, i am your father," Dora said, holding out her arms.

"you ain't no daddy. you is a GURL," Santa pointed out.

"i know," Dora said.

"then why'd u say dat?" Santa asked.

"i don't know. it was in a movie," Dora shrugged.

"okay BYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Obama sang off-key.

"where are you going?" Dora asked.

"nowhere" Obama answered.

"why you say bye den?" Santa asked.

"i don't know. i saw it in a movie," Obama replied. "but seriously, we need to go to England."