Silently, Shrek lay awake in his bed. Too many thought have been surrounding him lately. "Is Fiona really the one for me?" "Can Ay' truly love er" "do onions really have layers" Shrek worries about these things endlessly.
Suddenly, Fiona wakes up, or perhaps she was going through the same thing Shrek was, and gets up to walk to the bathroom. "Thank God she finally left, I couldn't stand to be around er fer a second longer..."
Shrek marvels at the fact that he now can't stand being around the woman he once loved, the woman he had children with, the woman he fought for...
He sits up, and waits for Fiona to come back. He needs to end this. Now.
Fiona comes back, and when she sees Shrek awake, she seems a little startled, with a hint of disgust, and says "What are you doing up, Swine?"
"We need to talk, ye whore" He responds. "Look, Ay can't do this anymore. Ay thought ye were the one. Ay thought that Ay'd love ye till' the end of time, but lately, Ay just don't think that anymore. I'm not sure what I should think..."
"Shrek, I-!" she tries to blurt out.
"Don't try te' change my mind on this woman! Ye know we've been on and off for a while now, and plus lately...." he trails off?
"What is it?" Fiona questions worriedly.
"Well Fiona... Ay... Ay think Ay'm gay. Whenever Ay see a hot man, say Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya De La Rosa Ramirez for example, Ay just feel all tingly inside, like Ay'm an onion about ta' get cooked. sweet, savory, and layered."
"Shrek... I didn't know you felt this way... Why haven't you said anything before?"
"Because Fiona! Men aren't supposed to be like that! It's just plain disgusting" Shrek said, bursting with confused anger.
"Who told you that, your father? Remember, Shrek, that's the same man that tried to cook you as a child, it's not the best idea to take ideals from him." Fiona said supportingly. "It's okay, Shrek. I've figured you were gay for a long time now, especially with your obsession with anal and gay black thugs."
"Thank ye, Fiona..." Shrek manages to finish.
They lay silently for the rest of the night, eventually trailing off to sleep, but Fiona falls asleep much faster than Shrek.
The next morning came, and Shrek confronted Fiona again. "Fiona," he said. "Aym setting out to find a man Ay can be with. A man Ay can be happy with. Ay want you to know that none of this is your own fault."
"Don't worry Shrek" Fiona responds "we just weren't meant to be. I'll have my stuff back to the castle by the end of the week."
"Thank you, Fiona. I couldn't ask for a more supportive ex," Shrek Jokes "See ye around!"
And they parted ways, never to be in each others loving embrace again.
