"What do you think you're doing in my kingdom?" Farquaad asked a pixie found flying around the village. "I know that you know about the law forbidding any fairy tale creatures in the kingdom!"
"I-I'm sorry" the fairy said." I was just... I just... My family is starving. Town was the only place where we could get any food!"
"Irrelevant!" Farquaad responded. "Why didn't you just go to a town in another kingdom?"
"There are no other kingdoms you ignorant pig!" The pixie gasped as she realized what she just said - but more importantly who she said it to.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?" Farquaad belched. "THAT'S IT, 50 YEARS IN THE DUNGEON."
"But-"
"NO BUTTS! GUARDS, ESCORT THIS 'Fine young lady' OUT OF HERE!"
Although the pixie struggled, he couldn't escape, and soon, the screams of anguish were drowned out by the closing door.
Farquaad thought about the Fairy tale creatures often, about how disgusting they were, always thinking of ways to get rid of them. But, Farquaad always had but one weakness to these creatures, one that he could never admit to anyone, barely even to himself.
Ogres.
Ever since Farquaad saw his first ogre at age 5, he was always turned on by them. Of course, when he was that age, he didn't understand, but as he aged, his tastes in ogres became more defined.
"Tall," he thought. "Layered, smell like onions.... and male...."
The last part was the hardest for him to admit. He had always been a "ladies man," but when it came to ogres, there was no denying the fact that men were superior.
"I can't stand myself!" Farquaad would always say when this topic came into mind. "It's absolutely disgusting!" he'd try to justify, but no matter how he tried, he couldn't get the thoughts out of his head.
Although, the fairy tale creatures would be more than overjoyed to hear about this. If he were to get an ogre boyfriend, surely the rights of the fairy tale creatures would be re installed, giving them their freedom back.
Finally, Farquaad forced himself into a decision. He was going to look for an ogre boyfriend.
"If I can find one by the end of the month" he thought to himself, "then I will not exterminate the fairy tale creatures. But if I don't, all creatures, including ogres, will get brutally tortured and murdered."
And so Farquaad set out in disguise, dressed as a commoner, to find his true self, the self that he could be happy with.
