Infatuation

Secrets

*Pippa Journal Entry*

A secret can either be a good, or a bad thing, all depending on the nature and the subject of said secret. I don't know how I've managed to play this secret off for as long as I have. If I tell him, he'll be crushed; and I don't know if I could handle seeing that sight. Or hearing it. Or living it. Or anything. Why did I do this? Why was I keeping it a secret from him? I know I need to tell him the truth eventually, but what if that truth only hurts him? He'd want nothing to do with me, and maybe that isn't a bad thing, but at the same time, who can say for certain. God. I'm horrible. I need to tell him, if not this guilt will only cripple me and god knows right now, I don't need anymore stress. It was bad enough the first time with him, and now? Jesus. I wish I could keep a clean conscience, but this guilt is making that once clean conscience, dirty. I hate being dishonest to anyone and that fact that I am towards him? That kills me. Even if I don't have fair enough reason to feel that way towards him, I still do. As messed up as it sounds, I feel tied to him. I don't know why, though. Secrets  only haunt and hurt. No good comes from them. I need to get rid of this secret. But to who? I need to find someone who will be honest with me, but still be careful and caring towards what I'll tell them. Renee? Jaz? Anthony? No.. I don't know. Maybe it's best if I just hold onto this a little longer, even if it's killing me.

*Same day, a doctors appointment*

This was a new experience, going to a sonogram appointment by myself. Lin was at home with Sebastian, who was running a high fever and had a sore throat.

I walked into the room that the nurse led me to, and waited for the doctor to come in.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Miranda-Soo. The father won't be joining today?" The doctor asked.

I looked down at my wedding rings and sighed. "Uh, no. He um, he had an arrangement he needed to tend to." I said quietly.

The doctor nodded and proceeded with the sonogram.

"Hm. That's rather odd."

I looked at him with a concerned face.

"Phillipa, is there any family history with genetic disorders that you know of on either side?"

My heart sank.

I shook my head.

"No why?"

The doctor took a deep breath. "One of the fetuses has developed a rare disorder, and the percent of survival, isn't very high."

My heart shattered.

I left the appointment and picked up my phone and made a call.

"Meet me at Starbucks in 10 minutes."