Guilt

Prologue

The irony of the situation.

That picture- of all pictures, won't delete. She needs it gone- from her sight, from her heart, from her mind. She's going in circles, traipsing round like a zombie. Her heart's heavy and irregularly fast. She can't sleep at night and all she can taste is the metallic taste, not dissimilar to the taste of blood or the ring that you bought her for her thirteenth birthday. Whenever she sees you all her wounds open back up & her heart physically hurts. All the words she wishes she could say are swirling round her head in a whirl of frustration and pain. To be able to look at someone like they never meant anything to you is a skill she does not posses- but you seem to.

You won't leave her head- and it's all she wants you to do.

She trusted you. Every promise you've ever made to her has been a lie. Everyone is disgusted by the horrific things you've done. You kept her hanging on a thread- crushing her more and more every time you spouted more lies. You're a lying, cheating .....(whatever word you want because I'm sure it fits) and nobody can believe that twice she fell for your bullshit. You never have the decency to say sorry for letting her down. You say things to make her think you actually do want to be her friend, then you go and mess things up even more. She's so frustrated with herself for ever trusting you. After everything... And you couldn't even have the balls to tell her yourself.

Her head hurts with all these images swimming around it.

She just can't quite push them out. Why did she ever even bother?! If she'd have known it would end like this she'd have never fallen in love with you in the first place. I hope you realise what a huge mistake you've made. How dare you ruin her. She didn't deserve any of this.

She's disgusted in herself. Every time she sees your name pop up on her phone her barely pumping heart nearly leaps out of her chest. Why are you doing this to her; was it your intentions to ruin any shred of dignity she had left?

Do you look at her and think of all you had, like she does?

Do you think of her at night in those dark, vulnerable hours when we are dangerously alone with our thoughts?

Does guilt seep through your veins as you discover the high extremities of pain that you've put her through?

When she's alone with her darkest ponderings in those restless hours of tossing and turning under her tear-stained duvet, clouded memories and feelings (that now fill you with an empty void of nothing) haunt her- the shadow of your face replaying over and over on a loop in her mind.

Can you not see that the light has gone from her eyes?

Are you blind to the way her eyes flick over to yours at any given opportunity?

One day when the girl filled with innocence and naïvety that loves you with everything that God has given her is gone, you'll realise why she was so upset- and maybe you'll feel those familiar emotions of guilt and regret once again. But don't you dare ever look at her with sad eyes filled with pity. That could destroy her more than you already have.

Hey!

This isnt so much a story yet- but maybe it will be. At the moment it's more like some notes i've written at night when sleep is refusing to wash over me to somebody that has succeeded in hurting me a lot. I could never tell him these things- so this is how i am letting my feelings out.

will upload soon-

please comment, like, follow- let me know what you think! critical comments are also useful:)

thanks once again!

Chloe Xxxx