White Walls {A Brallon Fanfic} [DISCONTINUED]

Chapter 3

I really can't feel anything but sad for ourselves. I wish I could just go numb, but every nerve in my body is feeling a chronic stinging pain. Who does things like this monster of a woman has done!? The closest thing I can relate her to, so you the audience can understand, is Adolf Hitler himself. You really can't understand unless you are here you understand. We all want to die because we all know it really isn't worth it. You're probably asking, 'Well then why are you still alive? You've had so many ways to commit suicide over the years and yet, you haven't taken any of those opportunities. Why do you stay alive and fighting?'. Well to answer your question, we all have our reasons. I have mine. Mine is my anger and fear. Fear is a hunter. Anger is the trap. When a poor deer gets stuck in Fear's trap, Fear has his way with you. He chews you up like a side of beef. There's nothing you can do to escape. That's why I stay alive. To get revenge on Fear and to find that way out. We all have our reasons.

Tyler and Josh never speak so none of us know. None of us meaning me, Pete, and Patrick. Although, I do have theories. I have to do something to occupy my self within the white wall and silence of the room. I think they live to take car of one another. They fear for the other and they look after the other every second of the day. You can't get them to leave each other alone some times. They think strength in numbers. They are stronger together than they are apart. They're correct of what I think is correct. If the five of us stay and suffer together, the pain isn't so bad. It's almost bearable. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like a bitch though.

Just as a side note, to give you more of a visual of the hell going on here, Josh came up to me the other day and this is our exact conversation:

"Brendon?" he asked.

"Hey Josh. Need to talk about anything?" I asked. I was actually curious about what he had to say. He never talks about anything. Neither does Tyler.

"I need to ask you something. Have we died and gone to hell? Does hell have white walls and no windows? Is Mrs.Dutch the devil and all of the nurses the demons who help her? Are you all fallen angles that tried to pull Tyler and I out, but all got caught in the devil's grasp? Or is the hell in my mind? Is it trying to destroy me? I'm scared, Brendon, I can't live a moment of my life without feeling like someone or something is going to get me." he said. I was in shock. It really set reality into my head. What he said didn't sound rehearsed either. He sounded true, honest, and he spoke from his heart. His heart spoke for him. It cried out in pain and was ready to burst under the immense pressure that is his -our- life. I stayed quiet, looking at him. His eyes pleaded for help and answers. Tyler came up behind him, with that same pleading look, and took hold of Josh's left hand. I had to pause to think of an answer.

"Well Josh, it certainly feels like it. I'm really sorry buddy. I feel the same way. Unfortunately, there's no way out right now. Don't give up fighting for your freedom yet though. One day, we will be put out of this misery and let go. The devil will learn her lesson and we will all be free. Does that sound good?" I said. that was all I could think of. I had no idea what I just said and what affect it would have on them. They both nodded and I gave them little pats on the head. They thanked me and gave me a hug. I hugged them back. They were hurting and so was I. They walked away to thier little corner in the room where they usually stayed and talked to each other. Just some food for thought there.

Pete is different. He lives to someday protect someone and make someone smile. Smile in a way he never will be able to himself. He wants to see what the future has for him even though he deep down inside doubts that. He wants to not let his inaccessible happiness he never used and let other people have it. Sometimes he's hard to read though. You can't tell what he's thinking. He never gives you a straight answer but I don't blame the guy. Pete is the strongest of the bunch, so this is a little strange for the strongest to say. Again, another way that no one has been able to read Pete Wentz.

Patrick has a reason also. He lives to see what life will throw at him. Just because he wants to see though, doesn't mean that he's excited for it. He thinks that if he lived through the holy torture he did in his early life, he could conquer anything. I really think he can too. He also has just so much love to give. he will help anyone at a moment's notice. He really cares about everything and everyone and believes that everything has a story and a purpose. That's another reason he lives for. To help and heal.

There's one more thing that  keeps us all grounded. Music. One day Mrs.Dutch gave us an old MP3 with only a little bit of music on it for us just to keep us sane so she could still experiment on us. Ever since then, we have listened to one or two songs by David Bowie, Frank Sinatra, Queen, and one by Led Zeppelin. We all love it. The music inspires us and reminds us that there is a world outside of this prison cell. That's what we want to do if and when we get out of this place. We want to make our own bands and our own music. That's our dream. We all want to learn how to play instruments and sing. That's what we live for and will eventually die for.