Almost a Memory

The Funeral

“Ethan?” she asked, turning her head to look into my eyes. “Promise you’ll remember me. Please?”

“Of course I’ll remember you, Diana. How could I forget? We’ve known each other for years, and… you’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”

When she heard that, she smiled softly, but I could see the tears in her eyes.

“Diana? What’s wrong? Should I call a nurse, or…?”

“Just… Ethan, don’t forget me. Please. I’m not afraid of dying, you know… but I’m terrified of being forgotten.”

I could hear the church bells begin their somber farewell as she was carried out of the church. A light rain had begun to fall during the service, as if the angels themselves were crying for her, and for those of us who had been left behind. As I stepped outside, I felt a few drops of rain beginning to fall, tangling in my hair and mingling with the salty tears I was trying so hard to hide from everyone else. Her funeral had been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do; saying goodbye to her had proved to be impossible. Diana was my best friend, my rock. I refused to believe that she was gone.

Inside, people pressed in close, murmuring kind words to her parents and offering hugs to anyone who seemed to be in need of the comfort. I remained at the edge of the crowd, waiting for an opportunity to speak with her parents, to tell them how sorry I am and how much their daughter will be missed. The rain had picked up, now pounding against the roof of the church, as the stream of people began to trickle to a stop. Finally, I took a deep breath and walked across the polished marble floor to the place where Mr. and Mrs. Richards stood in silence, unreadable expressions etched onto their features.

“I-I’m sorry for your loss,” I stuttered, meeting their eyes before looking down at my shoes. “Diana, well… I’ll miss her, as I’m sure you will too. She is… I mean, she was, my best friend.” Again, I made eye contact with her parents, and upon seeing the tears welling in both of their eyes, I tried to fight back my own tumultuous emotions.

“Thank you Ethan,” Mr. Richards said, his tone kind. “She certainly will be missed.” A tear leaked out of the corner of his eye, only to be wiped away a few seconds later by a slightly trembling hand. I turned around and begun to walk away, at a loss for what to say as I heard Mrs. Richards begin to sob, her husband murmuring comforting words through his own tears.

Stepping outside once again, I’m struck by the feeling of cool rain on my face. Something that Diana will never feel again. I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to keep the tears from spilling out. The two of us used to love the rain. We had spent many a storm romping around in a yard or lying on our backs, watching the raindrops plummet toward the earth and laughing all the while. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and began to walk toward my parent’s modest car, one somber vehicle among the many in this procession. My parents were standing outside, scanning the crowd until they spotted me weaving my way through the throng. When I reached them, my mother pulled me close and gave me a tear-stained hug while my father awkwardly patted my back.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through this, honey,” my mom began, “and your father and I would understand if you don’t feel up to going to the cemetery with everyone else. Just… know that you can do whatever you’d like. No one will be upset with you, no matter what you decide.”

I stared at the ground for a moment after she voiced her offer, lost in thought.

“I can’t leave Diana, mom. Not yet, anyway. I haven’t… I haven’t even really had the chance to say goodbye.” My mom looked at me for a moment and then silently nodded her head.

“C’mon Tom,” she tapped my father on the shoulder. “Let’s get in the car, and out of this rain, shall we?”

Finally, Diana’s little procession made its way to the cemetery where she was to be buried, a quiet place called Cedar Hill Cemetery, just a mile outside of town. Her coffin was unloaded from the hearse and placed onto the rigging system atop the freshly dug grave, with silvery droplets of rain collecting on the lid as a priest opened his book and began to speak. After what felt like an eternity, her casket was lowered into the yawning abyss that would be her final resting place as friends and family watched, seemingly numb. One by one, each of us moved closer to the edge, saying our final goodbyes and tossing soil onto her casket. Eventually, it came to be my turn. Standing over her grave, I picked up a clump of freshly dislodged earth and tossed it down on top of the casket as the tears rolled steadily down my cheeks. 

“Goodbye Diana,” I whispered, my voice hoarse.