Johnlock Oneshots

5 - Close

Sherlock and John are standing face to face in the small living room of 221B, about to take a small leap into the unknown.

Warnings: unless anxious sheryl needs a warning you're all good

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He was close, extremely close. I could feel his breath tickling my face, sending electricity through my veins. His eyes searched mine, probably looking for consent before he did the one thing neither of us could pretend didn't happen, the one thing neither of us could pretend was an accident. This was it, the final hurdle towards self-destruction. The final lap of the race, where the banner is just in sight but you don't know if you've got the energy left to reach it. I didn't know what I wanted or what he wanted or what the world wanted from us, but there was no time left to figure it out. His hand twitched on my arm, a slight spasm of muscles showing how afraid he was too. How afraid we both were. Perhaps I was more so. For me this meant the end of everything I had put my faith into, for me this was displaying the sentiment I had spent years learning to push away. But for him it was putting his trust in someone who claimed he couldn't love, for him it was ignoring the rational side of his brain and simply following his heart. We both had difficult decisions to make and not enough hours in the day to make them, yet the seconds kept ticking by refusing to wait. One of us had to make the final decision, only one of us could say the words first or lean in just that little bit closer. I was positive I wouldn't be able to do it, no matter how hard I convinced my brain it was the right thing to do I could not force my mouth to utter the words or my muscles to pay attention to what I wanted them to do. My hands shook against my sides so I curled them up into fists, which was an act soon noticed by the other man. He frowned slightly, scanning my face and trying to speak words he didn't have the guts to say out loud.

Seeing no answer he did something I didn't expect, which didn't happen often, and took one of my clenched hands into his gently. His fingers softly pried mine apart then slipped between them, forcing my hand to loosen and relax in his grip. I broke eye contact to watch the action in shocked silence, surprised at myself for not chickening out and running away yet, although that was still an option. I didn't know if I could go through with this, I didn't know if I could risk everything I knew for the small possibility of something better. I kept my eyes locked on our hands so I didn't have to meet his gaze, scared that if I did I would never be able to look away again. He must have had a different idea as he squeezed my hand softly, forcing me to look up at him in reaction to the gesture. His eyes were dark in the limited light we had, but I could still read the emotion within them. He was nervous, but there was something else there that i couldn't quite recognise.

"Please don't hit me." He whispered and my eyes widened in shock as I realised he was actually going to do it. He leaned in slowly whilst watching my reaction carefully as I began to panic further, my mind frantic with warnings and alarms and questions. I tried to keep my face as neutral as possible, not wanting him to see how much i was freaking out under my mask. He paused millimetres away from our lips touching as if he was deciding whether or not this really was a good idea or not, which I still hadn't come to a conclusion about, but then seemed to reach a conclusion as he closed the gap. I stood frozen as our lips met, my mind going completely blank and my eyes wide open. I didn't know what to do and my mind was no help whatsoever, seemingly numb with shock. This wasn't something I knew how to handle and I didn't know how to adjust, so instead I chose to do nothing at all and wait for it to end. The kiss was light and soft but only lasted mere seconds before he pulled away far enough to look into my unshielded terrified eyes, seeing how out of my depth I was. He smiled softly but I wasn't quite sure why, what was possibly amusing about this situation?

"You're thinking too much." He whispered. I didn't know how to reply so I simply stared back, counting the possible escape routes out of the building in case I freaked out completely.