undeniable. // Mikoto Suoh x Reader

iii

I hate myself.
I fucking hate myself.
What the fuck was I thinking?
That was the most humiliating shit I've been through.
I hate my own weakness.
Why did I even bother joining this clan? This is torture-- I wish I could just quit.
I already did; once they wiped out everybody. I'm the only one left.
I thought clans were like social clubs, you kinda make friends and stuff. You bond. You make memories together.
The only thing they're for is to entirely demolish you!
They use you, & once you aren't worth anything anymore, they toss you aside.

Then why? Why couldn't I kill him?

WHY CaNT INeVER KILL anYBoDY FrOM HOMRA?????????

I hate him.
I hate him.
I hate him.
I hate him.
I hate him.
I hate all of them.
I hate everybody.

WHY?
WHYYYY?
WHYyyyYYY??
HOOOW??

I'm going insane. This clan bullshit is making me go crazy. I can't fucking think anymore. Why is that shitty clan always on my mind?
Why is this always haunting me?
WHYYYY
WHHYY
WHY
WH Y??

flashback

"Tell me all about your king. Your clan. Everything. I want to know."

A silver revolver stood into my hand, the canon pointed at the man's forehead.

Tatara?

Tatara something.

Who gives a shit? He's nothing.

Then why'd he smile?

"We are a happy family. We create memories, & we all love each other.
We are happy.
Are you?"

"That's not what I fuckin' wanna hear!
Why is your clan untouchable?! Why isn't anybody dying?!"

"Because we are happy. & we refuse to let anyone interfere with our happiness."

He looked up straight at me.
That look terrified me. Wasn't he scared of dying? There was a gun right in his fuckin' face!
Weakest, my ass!

"Shut the fuck up!"

I pressed the canon to his forehead further.

"I'll blow your brains out if you don't tell me your clan's weakness."

"None."

"Huh?!"

"There is none."

"Louder!"

"None!"

A loud bang was heard, & a scream of pain followed.

I shot him in the arm.

"Repeat that."

".... none.."

I grit my teeth in frustration.

"Why aren't you scared?! Why aren't you running for your fuckin' life?! I could kill you right here, right now!"

"You can't."

"Huh?!"

"Mikoto's flame is protecting usー HOMRA."

"SHUT UP!
THAT'S NOT TRUE!
THAT FLAME ISN'T REAL!"

"Stop running away. It's undeniable. You've seen it. You feel it. And you know you can't defeat it.
Mikoto's flame is meant to protect, and no matter what you do, his flame will burn anybody that tries to interfere with our happiness."

I ran away.

flashback end

It was warm outside, despite it being mid January.
The snow was slowly melting, puddles recovering the roads reflected the red light of the setting sun.
Tch. That color disgusts me now.

Hands tucked into my pockets, & hair flicking around at the violence of the chilly wind, all of my thoughts were empty. There was nothing to think about. Today was a shitty day, like everyday. Being alone is shitty.

The bench was freezing cold & was recovered in pellets of melted snow, but I couldn't care less. My heavy lids slowly came to a close, and my heavy tears ended up escaping after all, shamelessly rolling down my red cheeks.

What is this life? Why do I live like this? Can't everything just stop? Can't I restart?

I'm tired of wanting to be happy. I'm tired of wanting what I need. I'm tired.

I'm tired. Is sleeping forever an option?

A sudden warm feeling bursted beside me. To my left. 10 meters away. I refused to look. I knew what it was already.

"Fuck off."

The feeling remained. It pissed me off.

"Fuck off!"

It stayed.

"FUCK OFF! LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU! I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU! I HATE YOU!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!
YOU'RE NOT REAL!"

There was no answer. Nothing happened. It refused to leave me be. It refused to let me cry alone. It refused to let me succumb to insanity.

"Go away, shitty King."

The feeling began moving. It got closer. I wanted to run. To hide. I didn't want him to near me. I hated him. Why couldn't he just go? Why? Why does he stop for me? I'm nothing, I hate him, I'm the one that wishes for his death the most, why is he here?

"If you don't get the fuck out of here, I'll gladly let the world see the color of your guts."

I pointed my gun at him.

I didn't look, yet I knew where he was. His presence was that big.

I pressed the trigger.

His footsteps stopped.

I grinned widely.

"He's dead.."

I rapidly turned around in hope of seeing his dead corpse.

"Mikoto Suoh is DEAD-"

What is this?
Why is he still standing?
Why is he looking at me like that?
Why is he.. on fire?

"Do you see it?"

"This is the flame that will protect you from now on, [F/N]."

He approached me. His hand came to rest on my wrist, skillfully making me release my grip on the weapon.

"Welcome to HOMRA."

word count; 925