The Beauty Of Silence

The Heart Of The Darkest Smile

My alarm clock blares, it's time for me to wake up, but how could you wake up if you've never fallen asleep?

Ever since Ryder left me I didn't move, I couldn't. So I stared at the blank ceiling wondering, hoping for him or anyone to show up and sweep me away and save me. But no one ever came.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I have to move, I need to get up and turn it off before anyone come's in and see's me like this. I slowly move my shaking hand up to the snooze button, my arm feeling like a ton of bricks. I slam the top and exhale in exhaustion.

I peel my half naked body off my bed and slowly go to the shower avoiding any mirrors for I'm afraid of what I might find. I stand there my head looking down at my body. My fingers slowly trace the scars that I've been marked with.

When I get out of the shower I notice that I've missed first period, not really caring I take my time getting changed and make my way out the door.

* * * * *

I get inside the building seeing everyone rush to their classes knocking into people as they go. I open my locker just so it can close into my face I turn to see who it was and wasn't surprised when I saw that it was Tiffany. I was wondering when she'd find out.

"Look here you slut, Ryder's mine and you can't have him, I don't care what he told you, he's mine and don't you forget it! He'd never love a disgusting piece of trash like you!" She finishes with a flip of her hair satisfied with her threat.

"I know he wouldn't and frankly I don't care just for your information." I step up to her, making her step back a bit. I smile. "I bet he didn't call your name out as loud as he did mine." Her mouth dropped and I slammed my locker shut walking straight to class. I dont care if that was a lie, our "relationship" if you can even call it that, is a lie. He says he want's to be fuck buddies, then fine so be it.

* * * * * * *

I get changed for Gym and got many stares from Ryder's ex's or wanna be's and of course stares of desire from the males. The rumor of me having sex with Ryder spread as if it were a forest fire. And I don't care, this is what he want's isn't it? I don't care if I get called a slut or the queen whore, they're just names. They don't know me, they don't know my story or what I've been through. I check in with the Gym teacher and notice that Ryder isn't here today. My frown deepens, I wanted to see his reaction for his doing. And who knows?

Maybe we did do it?

Or maybe we didn't?

I don't know only Ryder know's and since he's not here I can't clarify what it felt like to the girls who ask me, their eyes full of wonder as if they worshiped him as a god. If only they knew what he was really like,

Do I even know that?

* * * * *

The day went by faster than expected and in case you're wondering I didn't eat lunch with my friends, Jenny tried to talk to me and see if the rumors were true and I told her the "truth" and left her, alone. The others probably got the message and left me alone for the rest of the day.

But it's okay now I know that I am truly alone in this world and that my mother was right all this time.

I walk out the building and to my car when I hear a beep from behind me. I turn around to see a guy on a black motorcycle with a helmet covering his face. I didn't know who it was, but I didn't care. I came over to him when he signaled me over without any emotion on my face. When I was close enough the guy told me to get on. And I did.

I put my hands on his hard chest and we drove away, I'll have to get my car back later.

* ** * *