A Well Rounded Breakfast Club

Chapter Five

Vernon left us when we came back from the lavatory. He didn't even try to prop the door open again. We were really left to our own devices. For Bender, that mean causing as much of a mess as possible.

Personally, I'd rather go take a nap then rip apart literature but apparently Bender and I didn't share the same opinion as me on the matter. Guess what he was doing on the counter. You got it. He was tossing the pages of a book about.

"That's real intelligent," said Andrew.

"You're right. It's wrong to destroy literature." He ripped another handful out.

"Well, now that depends on who wrote the book." I couldn't help but to get up take the book from Bender and check who the author was. Moliere. Read it. I handed the book that was already half ripped apart back to Bender. "What's the matter? Molet doesn't pump your nads?" Ha..Ha.. I hopped up onto the counter next to Bender. "Nah. I already read it. Plus its too destroyed to pump my nads."

Brian popped out of behind a bookshelf. "Well, I love his work." Bender threw the rest of the pages at Brian.

"Not satisfied with ripping up books?" Bender was now messing around with the cards in a catalog box. "Nothing to do when you're locked in a vacancy.." 

"You'd think that you'd have more experience with entertaining yourself considering how often you're locked in vacancy as you so put it." I got a glare from Bender.

I heard Andrew talking to Claire and turned my attention to them. "Hey, you grounded tonight?" Claire shrugged at him. "I don't know. I guess I am but my Dad just told me to blow her off."

"Who do you like better?" 

Claire turned to look at Bender. "Huh?"

"Who. Do. You. Like. Better? Your old man or your mom?"

"I dunno. Its not like they give a shit about me."

"HA!" Allison shouted. 

"Oh my God..She talks!" Bender muttered so that only I could hear. Claire took it the wrong way.

"Shut up! You guys are such assholes! I can't believe I'm here.."

"You're just feeling sorry for yourself."Andrew said and Claire just huffed in response.  

"Hey. Sporto. You get along either you're parents?" Oh that's just fantastic. Bender was getting himself into another argument. 

"Well if I say yes, I'm an idiot, right?"

"You're and idiot anyway....But if you say yes, you're a liar too."

"Bender!" 

He looked and me and I shook my head. He turned away from Andrew and started to walk away from him and back toward me. Of course Andrew followed him. He wouldn't just take the insult that Bender dished out. 

"You know something, man... If we weren't in school right now, I'd waste you!"

Bender pointed his middle finger at the floor.

"Can you hear this or do you need me to turn it up?" Bender flipped his hand over and was now flipping off Andrew. Tense.

Brian tried to diffuse the situation but was unsuccessful because neither of the douche bags in the stand off took Brian seriously. But, Bender obviously didn't like to be interrupted and turned his attentions to Brian.

"Dork.."

Stupidly, Brian responded. "Yeah?"

I heaved a sigh. Good job Brian..

"Look, I can see you getting all bunged up for them making you wear these kinda clothes. But face it, you're a Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie! What would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen?"

I hopped of the counter and walked over to the desks where the showdown was going down. 

"Of all people, Bender, you insult the only person that was going to try to diffuse the situation and prevent you from further detentions, possible expulsions, and even criminal charges that Sporto here could charge you with if you do something stupid?" 

"Yeah! Why do you have to insult everybody? You know that the dork has a name!" Andrew just had to but in....

"Yeah, Sporto? What is the Dork's name?" I crossed my arms over my chest and raised my eyebrows at Andrew. 

"Uhhh...." 

"Brian. His name is Brian." Well, at least we know for sure why he isn't in any academics clubs.

"My condolences." I rolled my eyes at Bender. Is everyone at this school a total  douche bag? 

"What's your name?" Claire asked Bender.

"What's yours?"

"Claire."

"KA-Laire?"

"Yeah.. Its a family name.."

"No. Its a fat girl's name."

"I'm not fat!"

"Not yet." I cut Bender out of the conversation and Claire flipped me off. 

"Oh how obscene! That gesture is soooo hurtful! And from someone soo pristine! However will I survive?!" Sarcastically, I put the back of my hand against my forehead and feigned feeling faint.

She sneered at me and said, "I'm not that pristine!"

This is where Bender cut me out of the conversation.

"Are you a virgin?"  Bender started walking toward the desk that Clair was sitting at.

"I"ll bet you a million dollars that you are!"

"Shut up!"

"Have you ever kissed a boy on the mouth?" Claire looked away from Bender. Bender continued after a beat.

"Have you ever been felt up? Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off...hoping to God your parents don't walk in?"

" Do you want me to puke?"

"Have you ever been felt up? Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off...hoping to God your parents don't walk in?"

"LEAVE HER ALONE!" Andrew and I yelled and I was surprised that Sporto stood up for the princess.

"You gonna make me?" Bender looked up at Andrew. Andrew was ready for a fight. As much as I hated the Princess's guts, the fight was elevating. It seemed like I wasn't the only one in a bad mood.  The next thing I know, Bender pulls out a switchblade and stabs it into the chair next to Allison, making her jump. I caught her eye and nodded. She pulled the blade out of the chair and hid it in her bag. This is going to be a really long detention...