You See But Do Not Observe

TRIAL

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN : TRIAL

(Sherlock's POV)

Two weeks of relative peace. It was odd. Sherlock normally didn't like peace. He didn't enjoy it. Peace was boring.

But when he was with Serena, everything was better. Nothing seemed boring.

It would be wrong to say that scared him, but it did. He was terrified and giddy and worried he was messing everything up all at once, and he was still trying to figure out how that could possibly be.

He needed Serena like he used to need nicotine. He may be terrified, but he wanted to see her every minute of every day.

He hated that scared feeling he got, like he was plummeting. Sherlock Holmes was in control. Always.

He was pretending to be okay. He felt very not okay, but he hid it so he didn't worry her.

It was the day of the trial when he finally stopped pretending.

"What time does the trial start?" Serena asked.

"Nine." John said, casting a glance at Sherlock.

Serena swore and retreated into Sherlock's bedroom. She came out wearing unusually conservative clothing, her hair in a bun on top of her head.

"Prissy enough for court yet?" She asked him, and he barely looked at her.

"Hey." She looked at him. "What's up?"

"Oh nothing."

"Aren't you going to get dressed?" Serena asked. He met her eyes, and there it was, that plummeting feeling. At that moment, he'd had enough.

"No."

"Why not? We have to leave in ten minutes."

Sherlock took a breath and met her eyes straight on. "I'm not going." He said.

Serena didn't seem to get it at first. Slowly, her eyes widened in understanding.

"Oh." She said, and she turned.

"It's-"

"Let me stop you right there." Serena said, and Sherlock saw her breath coming faster.

"The last two weeks have been perfect. I don't understand." She said.

"Neither do I. And I dislike it. I'm tired of feeling like I don't have any control over my emotions."

"So you remove the person causing that." Serena said, and Sherlock caught his breath.

"I get it." Her voice held no emotion. "I understand fear, Sherlock. I don't want to hurt you." Her voice shook a bit when she said that. "I really don't. I'd leave if you wanted. I'd do that for you."

"I don't want you to leave." Sherlock said, and Serena looked at him. Her eyes were dry but shattered, like a bullet hole in a pane of glass.

"I'm going to be completely honest with you, because good things seem to happen when I do that. I like you a lot, enough that it would break me if I left. But I would. I would for you."

John was watching silently, trying to pretend like he wasn't listening.

"I don't want to hurt you either." Sherlock said.

"Make up your mind!" Serena said, her voice rising sharply. "Because it's killing me, Sherlock. Every night you're there, watching over me, guarding me, and I love that about you. I think you are a beautiful human being. I was so sure you cared about me and I'm not going anywhere if I have that option. I know it's terrifying, but that's part of life! It's part of being human."