I fucking hate you, but please come back.

•2•

I love touring with the girls. It's incredible. Nothing beats that feeling of been up on stage doing what I love in front of thousands of people who love us. I still get starstruck when I'm up there and I look around at all those faces, crying and singing along to our songs. It's so surreal. I love the girls, they're my whole entire world. I adore every one of them. It's hard sometimes tho. I can't help but feel different to them. Sometimes like I don't belong. They don't make me feel that way, not at all, they love me just as much as I love them but it's just the way I feel sometimes. See the thing is I have a forever- ticking mind. I'm thinking constantly. About all sorts of shit. I have so many questions about the world and why it is the way it is and as much as I love the girls i struggle to have conversations with any of them about the shit that fills my head. I've tried before, hundreds of times but they either start to yawn before I finish my sentence or tell me to stop been ridiculous. I don't think I'm ridiculous. I just have mind that likes to wonder. I like to know things and I like to learn. I like to talk a lot about how the world works and if there's life on other planets, the girls just laugh at me. I don't blame them. It's just how I am, I just wish they understood me a little more. We've been best friends all this time and I can't help but feel they only know one half of me.