The Man Who Dies for Fun

Time For A Lesson

Chapter One: Time for a Lesson

Alright, let's cut to the chase because I'm busy right now. I'm Ditto Night, and this is a little story about me. I guess. I don't know, like I said I'm busy right now. With what, you might ask? You silly, adorable human? Well, I'm trying to remove a ghost from this small girl's body. It's some messy shit, well sorta. Listen I can explain more later. I just need to finish this up before anything else, okay? You'll get your answers, you greedy fools.

"So, where is the girl?" I asked calmly, walking into the suburban house. It was a nice place, two stories, painted a crisp yellow that made me want to puke, but they all can't be winners. Respectable size, perfect for a middle class family to live in. And I guess some bitch ass ghost.

    The man who I assumed was the father pointed up the stairs. "She's up there, in her room, as is my wife, Helen."

    "Okay, and you are?"

    "I'm Thad, her father." He was nervous, like he hadn't been able to sleep in days. I shouldn't have expected him to have either. Their home was also nice, clean, family portraits everywhere. The walls were a clean blue, like a raspberry slushie. A better color, I think. "Can you really help us?"

    "Of course. This is my shit, Thad," I said. We walked up the stairs, and I could feel the ghost's energy. Cold, constant movement, angry. Oh, it was pissy. "Alright, this doesn't seem that bad."

    "Really?"

    I shrugged. "Probably, I guess."

    Going down the hallway I adjusted the satchel at my side and sword on my back. Okay, I can explain the sword. Twenty-first century and swords don't usually mix, but I have my reasons alright. Geez, what are you guys, my mom? Hope not, you weirdos. Just give me some time, answers will come.

    The mother was standing by the door, holding herself in her arms. "Thank goodness you're here. Can you fix my baby girl? Please tell me you can." There was a desperate look in her eyes, blonde hair getting in the way. Panic and fear, things I can smell a mile away.

I smiled gently, my most confident smile. "Yes, I'm sure I can. Like I told Thad, this is my shit."

I rolled my shoulders, asking a few questions in the process. "So how long has she been like this?"

"A few days," Thad answered. "On Tuesday, I was getting her from her room for dinner, and she was whispering to no one. I asked to who was she talking to, and she answered her friend."

"Ah, classic ghosts." I cracked my neck. "They like to get to know their hosts first. It's rather pathetic, but it helps them feel closer, you know?"

"Yeah. I guess."

"Keep going," I said, rolling my hand. "What else?"

Helen responded this time. "Well, she kept to herself, talking only to this friend, until one day she answered me in a different voice."

"Deep voice?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Deep, but smooth I guess."

"Hmm, that's a good sign." Bending and touching my toes, I gave myself one last shake, slapping my face multiple times, revving myself up. Not that I need it. "If you want to stay on this side of the door is fine. If you want to cross, that's alright too."

The parents nodded in understanding. I sighed. "Let's do this."

I opened the door, seeing an ordinary girl's room. Thad had informed me before that the girl, Katy, was seven, and was like any other girl. The room was covered in toys, pink walls, and smelled like death died. I laughed. Oh yeah, this was going to be fun.