Feels Like Home

Part Six

Letty's POV
A fortnight passed and Dom and I never mentioned his confession to me on the beach again. We went on like it had never happened which was probably the best way forward but something in me wanted to know more about our relationship. Was I really that easy to leave? Maybe he didn't love me in the way I had been led to believe that he did.

Mia and I sat down to sort out a cupboard that had been bugging her since we'd moved back in. It was literally album upon album of pictures. She wanted it cleared out. She'd found more in the attic and wanted it all tidied up into one place. I couldn't ignore her gentle pleas for help so I agreed to help her out.

Mia started stacking the albums by date and I soon got distracted by my own curiosity and started flipping through the albums examining every picture carefully hoping for something which would spark a memory. Almost every photo of Dom and I saw us standing about an inch apart, barely acknowledging the others presence. Yet there was a few which showed our closeness, me perched on his lap, some where he had his arm around me. Very few proved us to be close.

"You'd barely know we were together," I said to Mia.

Mia chuckled. "You two were more often seen apart than together but you are definitely the strongest couple I know."

I shook my head. "We're both too independent...."

Mia cut me off. "Too independent, yes. You two need each other though. If Dom calls you run to him. If you call, Dom drops everything and races there. You two are strongest together."

"How could anyone believe we were strongest together when he left me alone in the DR?" The words were laced with venom. If he left me to protect me, we obviously weakened each other.

"That's what this is about?" Mia scoffed. "Dom's a man, they're prone to idiocy from now and then, comes with the territory. Dom left you because he was scared you'd get hurt. What he did was wrong. You should have made your decision together but he went ahead with what he felt was best. He was wrong."

"I just find it hard to believe that he loved me so much but could leave me so easily."

Mia smiled sympathetically. I could see she too was conflicted about his decision. As much as she wanted to defend her brother, she disapproved of what he did but tried to understand.

"Letty, he loves you. God, when he looks at you I feel jealous. You're his greatest strength and his greatest weakness. If he didn't love you he never would have travelled to London to come get you. You're like engineered to be together. You bring out the best in him and he brings out the best in you. He did what he did because he loves you so much that he'd rather be apart from you to know that you were safe, than be with you and putting your life on the line."

Mia's eyes softened as she spoke. Out if all of them she pushed me the least to remember but her silent hope was clear. I knew when I put her in an awkward spot like that ones she tried to explain the story behind it.

"Want me to show you how much he loves you?" Mia asked.

"How can you do that?" I asked. I was intrigued. To me there is no way to test if someone loves you. If someone loves you they want to be with you and want what's best for you. I know the old saying "to live in the hearts of those we leave behind is not to die." To me that was also true. To me love was never forgetting the person you cherished and keeping their memory alive within yourself.

"Come with me," Mia said.

She led me through to the living room and pointed for me to sit in my usual armchair. She flipped through a stack of home movies until she found the one she was looking for. A disc was slid into the DVD player. She fast forwarded the DVD until she was content she'd come to the right spot. On the screen there was a dimly lit image of Dom sat holding a Jack who looked close to sleep.

"Aw Jack you should've met her," Dom murmured, "You would have loved her. God, she would have loved you. To her, you would have been precious. Maybe you'd have shown her that we could have this too, we could have a family. Damn was she adamant that we weren't stable enough for a family." He chuckled. "Maybe we ain't stable enough but we'd try. Your aunt Letty, would have taught you so much. Letty could have shown you your way around a car engine, better than any man ever could. Letty could have taught you how to how to love so deeply you can forgive any sin. Hell, she could even teach you how to swear like a sailor, but maybe that's a good thing you won't learn that. Jack, you've been robbed of the most incredible aunt the world would have ever known and I've been robbed of the most incredible woman I've ever known." He paused. Obviously Jack had fallen asleep. Dom's voice had been that gentle drawl which was soothing, it could have lulled anyone to sleep.

A tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped it away, hoping Mia hadn't noticed.

"Now do you believe me?" Mia asked gently, "If he didn't love you, he wouldn't have told Jack, "Letty could have taught you how to love so deeply you can forgive any sin."

I smiled. "He really loved me."

"Still does."

Mia switched the DVD player off and sat back down beside me. This was so emotional, to be immersed in a family ethic but remembering nothing about them but feeling the feelings you had always felt for them. I could feel that I'd lay down my life for any of them in an instant but I couldn't explain why I would do that.

I muttered a vague excuse up to my room and lay on my bed. For the first time since I'd come to LA I felt entirely alone. They all knew why they loved each other. They all knew things about each other. They had memories. Me, I had nothing but instinct. My gut told me I loved them.

I loved Mia. Mia with her gentle smile and motherly reminders. She was the mother of this odd family. Every morning she made me coffee and sat it on the bench for me entering the kitchen around nine. She was thoughtful. Even though we were polar opposites I knew why we had been good friends. She was easy to talk to and I could tell her anything. She kept me sane and grounded. From what I understood she had prevented me from becoming a complete tear away in school and made me go almost every day.

Then there was Brian. I loved Brian. Yet he felt guilty for my "death." That wasn't his fault. It was mine. I'd wanted to run for Braga to bring Dom home. Yet Brian didn't see it like that. Brian apologised continually. Despite that I loved how Brian was such a good father to Jack. How he was a good husband to Mia. His charm was irrepressible. He was good humoured and good natured.

Lastly there was Dom. Self professed tough guy but with a warm heart. Dom was no tough guy, if anything he was a teddy bear disguised as a grizzly bear. He looked like a tough guy, with those muscular arms and height of six foot three. Then he spoke and it was immediately plain he cared deeply about his family, was loyal to a fault and loved deeply. He asked for one thing in return, and that was that you apply those things to him. When he looked at me, I felt weightless, beautiful, incredible and it scared me that I felt that way. I felt invincible when those deep brown eyes looked at me. Though it was his eyes which gave away his hurt that I didn't remember the fifteen years we'd been together and I hated that. I hated looking into those eyes to see them dull with pain when I didn't remember the joke we'd made that time, the person he was talking about, or the home we'd lived in together. Yet he was willing to wait for me, until I was ready for him. He was going to wait on me to love him again and wasn't expecting me to love him right now. But I did love him, I knew I loved him. I loved everything about him but I couldn't explain why. I didn't want to rush myself in case I was mistaken but he stirred something in a part of me that no one in the last year had come close to.

It was as if there was a knife buried in my chest. I felt guilty for not remembering them. I knew I couldn't force the memories back but I was trying to remember. Sometimes things would feel feel familiar but as soon as it felt familiar the familiarity would fade and I would be left more confused than ever with a growing pit of anguish in my stomach.

How could I ever be part of them if I didn't remember them?