Feels Like Home

Part Five

Letty's POV

I woke with a jump. I was plagued with dreams. Dreams which until this one had been full of people with nameless faces and blurry features. This one was about Dom. It was weird because it felt real. Since I'd lost my memory I'd struggled with trying to decipher what was real and what was fake. I didn't cling to dreams because I had no way of judging if they were real or not. That one felt weird.

I got up and started getting ready for the day. It didn't take long. Bundling my hair up in a messy ponytail I made my way downstairs. It was already bustling with life. Jack was sat at his high chair guzzling as Mia made breakfast. The smell of bacon and sausages filled the air.

"Morning!" She chirped as she caught she trying to creep into the kitchen.

I grunted in reply. I wasn't a real morning person. Dreaming hadn't helped. Flashes of what could have been memories weren't good for me. They would slowly drive me crazy. With a bit of my usual carelessness I shook the dream away from my mind and cast it into the recesses to be hidden until further notice.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and leant against the counter. It took little to irritate me in the morning. My head was swimming. I struggled to think of what I could do today.

"You're up early Let," Mia remarked as she sat down to free Jack.

I shrugged. "It's okay."

"It's Friday," Mia said as though that should mean something. "Why don't you rest up for the races tonight?"

I shook my head then sipped at the bitter coffee. It burnt my tongue a little but I didn't want to talk anymore. Mia looked at me from beneath her eyelashes. I could feel her watching me even when I was staring out the window even though I wasn't seeing anything. Her gaze was intense and I could feel her scrutinising my every move. She was looking for hints as to what I was doing or thinking. I kept my expression as vague as I knew how to and tried to stop my eyes going glassy so Mia would think I was just looking out at the garden.

"You don't need to go to the races," Mia murmured gently.

I bit my lip. "I'd like to go, it's just...." I trailed off thinking of how to tell her my fear that people would realise I remembered nothing except how to race a car. That I didn't even remember Dom who was supposed to be the love of my life.

Mia raised one eyebrow expressively waiting for me to continue.

"I'm afraid people will realise I don't remember..."

Mia smiled sympathetically. "It only matters as much as you let it matter. Everyone will just be glad to see you. That the legend still walks amongst them.

I felt my stomach flip with panic but again kept my expression unreadable. That the legend still walks amongst them. That title created an unhealthy amount of pressure even though she meant it to be supportive. How could I pretend to be the old me if I didn't even know who she was? All it would take is one idle, careless, untypical Letty comment and people would realise I didn't remember.

I stood for a second longer and then placed my empty cup in the sink. I went and grabbed shoes from my room then my car keys. After that I left. I jumped into the M3 and headed off to think.

I wound up at the beach without knowing how I got there. I just sat on the sand and mulled everything over. I couldn't ever go to the races. Not whilst I didn't remember. I ran my fingers over the grainy sand and sat there almost all day, barely moving just watching the waves rolling further and further up the beach. The sky was turning gold and I was beginning to get shivery before I considered going back. Instead of going back I bought chips from a chip shop near the beach and sat at a picnic table and ate them.