Addicted (4/16)
Chapter rating: NC-17
Pairing: Onew-centric, eventual Onew/Minho.
Chapter word count: 4165
Genre: Angst, later romance.
Summary: "Jinki has a pathological need to have someone, or multiple people between his legs, and generally inside of him." Fill for this prompt in the OnHo fic meme.
Warnings: Language, elements of dub-con, and just general fucked-up-ness.
Even though he thinks they're complete bullshit, Jinki takes Minho's words to heart. The younger man is still a doctor and therefore is always right. It's strange, though, examining his feelings that way. The worst part is that most of the time he doesn't feel a thing. He simply walks around all day completely numb. Things pass by, but it's like watching something on TV. It's not happening to him, it doesn't affect him, and so he doesn't react. He wonders if that's normal.
Maybe he's just more aware of it, but he also takes fewer "bathroom" breaks. Work comes in, is sorted through, and goes out again just as quickly. He makes no mistakes, as efficient as a robot, exactly the way he's been acting lately. He can't decide what's worse: The numbness or the void that spreads out in the center of his chest and swallows all of his insides.
On Wednesday he decides he'd much prefer the detachment from reality, rather than the ache that makes every step echo throughout his body and replace all rational thought with Someone. Anyone. I need them. Now. His boss stops by his desk after Jinki returns from his lunch break, concerned frown marring his usually cheerful features. "Sajang-nim?" Jinki asks when he approaches his cubicle and sees the other man standing outside. "Is something the matter?"
"Oh, Jinki-ssi! No, nothing wrong, just... Well, as you know, performance reviews are this week and—"
The rest of the sentence fizzles away into static. A lead weight wedges itself into Jinki's trachea and prevents him from breathing.
"So please just keep that in mind. I'm sure you'll blow everyone away, but you can never be too careful, right?"
The only thing that sticks in Jinki's mind is the word "blow." It registers as a command, a requirement that needs to be satisfied so he can continue to function normally. Nothing exists but the now, the pit inside of him that can only be filled by someone else, using him for their own sake. His boss is the perfect person to start. He steps forward into the other man's space, one leg sliding between the two shorter ones. His eyes zero in on the face staring up at him shock and maybe even a hint of fear.
"J-Jinki-ssi?"
You can't get fired again, this will be how many times now, they're going to call Taemin, he'll find out and then what will you do, just a few more hours, the Hill is a safe place to go, just wait a little longer—
"Of course, sajang-nim. Thank you for your inspiring words." He bows deeply and runs off to the bathroom, already rubbing his palm against his pants.
"Ah, okay. Work hard."
"What do you think triggered your reaction?"
"I...I don't know."
"Is that the first time you've felt that way around your boss?"
"No. I—no.
"It only happens when I feel...anxious. Like if he has bad new to tell me. Or I've been messing up a lot that week. Like—a couple weeks ago."
"Are you worried you're going to get fired?"
"I know I'm a good worker. He compliments me a lot, says I'm valuable to the company. Valuable doesn't mean irreplaceable."
"Do you feel that way in other parts of your life?"
"I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
"Do you feel replaceable? In interpersonal relationships? Do you feel like Taemin and Key could or would replace you?"
