Addicted (6/16)
Chapter rating: R
Pairing: Onew-centric, eventual Onew/Minho.
Chapter word count: 3233
Genre: Angst, later romance.
Summary: "Jinki has a pathological need to have someone, or multiple people between his legs, and generally inside of him." Fill for this prompt in the OnHo fic meme.
Warnings: Language; mentions of rape/non-con, incest, child molestation, sexual/domestic abuse and just general fucked-up-ness.
"On Christmas morning—I had just turned six—my dad told me to come upstairs with him. He said he had a special present for me." You can't tell, secret, shh, it's a secret. Be a good boy and keep this secret for your daddy, okay? "I was excited. What did he want to give me? I didn't get a lot of presents that year—just some clothes—and I was hoping for this chemistry set I had seen on TV. It was all I had asked for that Christmas and it hadn't been under the tree.
"I followed him upstairs and sat on his bed like he told me to. He told me to close my eyes and count to ten and, no matter what, to stay very quiet." You're such a good boy, Jinki. "He started...touching me. Everywhere. He took my clothes off and..." He digs his fingernails into his palms. Goddammit, he's going to tell everything. Every second of it. Enough is enough.
It's a secret. You promised not to tell anyone.
I hope you rot in hell, you sick bastard. "He took...it...out of his pants and made me touch it, told me to taste it. I...I did. The whole time he kept stroking my hair and telling me what a good boy I was being and not to tell anyone, that this would be a secret between just the two of us. I couldn't tell anyone because he would hurt Taemin, barely more than a baby at the time, and I didn't want that now did I?" Jinki's voice is bitter, hateful. Until he put it out in the open just now, he's never really thought about how wrong the whole thing was, just how entirely fucked up.
"You were protecting your brother."
Jinki looks down at his hands. "I guess that's always been my first instinct," he says with a pathetic laugh.
"You're a caring person. I've noticed that about you."
Something in the way Minho says the words, the softness of his tone, the radiating sincerity, makes him tear up. He doesn't want to bare the filth of his soul. It's good to get this out. He's listened to everything else and he doesn't hate you. Why would this be any different? It's not your fault. "At least once a month, he would do that to me. When my mom was out, when she was sleeping, whenever. I had just started fourth grade when she found out. She...she hit me. Told me I was an abomination, that God hated me. And every time my dad...touched me after that, she would hit me too. I was wrong, I was filthy, dirty, I was ruining their marriage, everything.
"She never hit Taemin though and, as far as I know, my dad never hurt him either, so I stayed quiet. I didn't tell anyone, just like they said, but it was hard sometimes. My mom refused to do my laundry or make me lunch—I didn't deserve those luxuries, I was 'a disgusting whore'—so kids made fun of me at school. One of my junior high teachers tried to get me to talk, but I just stood there and cried when he asked me what my home situation was like. My parents looked so normal at open house though that he finally left me alone."
"Did you try to reach out to anyone after that?"
"No. I was a 'good boy.' I had to keep my dad's secret. Even when I got older and I knew it was wrong, so wrong, I still took it. But I promised myself as soon I was old enough I would get a job and start saving money so Taemin and I could live on our own."
"What did Taemin do or say during these years?"
"I know he heard my mom, saw what she did to me, and I think he figured out something was wrong from the way I looked whenever my dad asked me to come to his room, but I never told him. He hates them though. After she would hit me, I would go to my room and lie on my bed and sometimes he would come in and lie next to me and tell me I was the best brother ever. I never got mad at him, I let him play with me, I always helped him with his homework, his friend Jongin's sisters were nowhere near as cool as I was.
