Addicted (7/16)
Chapter rating: PG-13
Pairing: Onew-centric, eventual Onew/Minho.
Chapter word count: 3253
Genre: Angst, later romance.
Summary: "Jinki has a pathological need to have someone, or multiple people between his legs, and generally inside of him." Fill for this prompt in the OnHo fic meme.
Warnings: Language and just general fucked-up-ness.
Jinki starts keeping track of his "bathroom breaks" and trips to the Hill in his planner. It's nothing ostentatious, Xs for the bathroom and Os for the Hill, but the visual representation of his progress is encouraging. Sometimes when he has nothing to do at his desk, he sits and flips through the pages, noting the steady decrease in markings next to the date. Minho had suggested it a couple of weeks ago, a way to track his progress for his "marathon," and he's amazed to see just how far he's come.
Things seem to be looking up for him. He's been making great strides at the office, assigned more and more important projects, and his boss has hinted at a possible promotion coming his way. He's also become closer with some of the people he works with, particularly Luna and Changsun from the lobby, and he wonders if maybe this is what a normal life feels like. People to say hello to and gossip with, pride in a chosen career, a peaceful household.
Or getting there. He doesn't miss the flicker of relief on Taemin's face every time he walks in before midnight, still in his work clothes, sober, and not smelling of other people's B.O. His younger brother is always tense for the first half hour Jinki's there, fluttering around and asking all sorts of questions, taking his keys and briefcase and jacket and shoes and practically throwing them as far away from Jinki as he can. He knows what Taemin's doing, and why he's doing it. He knows he would do the same thing if the situations were reversed, but it still kills him, the fear he's instilled in Taemin who used to admire and rely on him so much. He has a feeling that no matter how often he comes home on time, that fear will never really go away.
He starts to enjoy their nights in, though, once Taemin is secure in the knowledge that Jinki's not going to leave, and he starts to believe that he's allowed this quality time with his brother, that he deserves it. Sometimes they invite Key over as well with his boyfriend of the week and the laughter and company helps keep Jinki's demons away. The itches he always feels fade. He takes deep breaths, reassess the situation, listens to himself, his feelings.
His visits to the Hill are back down to the amount they were during Taemin's vacation and then even lower. Once every three weeks, once a month. It's not easy sometimes, but he's not sure he'd want the easy route if it was an option. Struggle builds character and when he's older, the metaphorical callouses on his fingers will bring him pride, pride in how hard he worked and how he didn't quit.
Right now, though, sometimes it feels like an uphill climb with cement blocks tied to his shoes and whenever he feels like he's getting close to the top, Minho's there telling him his princess is in another castle.
"How would you describe your relationship with sex?"
"Do we really need to talk about that?" Jinki splutters.
Minho raises an eyebrow. "Well, we kind of already have, so I thought perhaps it'd be easier to talk about now. Obviously I was wrong.
"What do you think makes you uncomfortable?"
Jinki shifts in his chair. He has an inkling where most of his discomfort is stemming from, but he doesn't want to say it and make it real. "I don't...I don't know."
"What's on your mind right now?"
"I just... Do we really have to talk about it?"
"If you want to, we can leave it for now, but I think this is kind of important. If you can put words to something, it's not as... Well, I'm not really sure." Minho shrugs, a wry expression on his face. "Irony."
