A White Room - A Novel of Victorian Hysteria & Underground Nursing

Chapter 1: 2

Almost a month later, we crowded into my parents’ room, posi-tioning ourselves among my parents’ dressing tables, a vanity, the washstand, and the bulky armoire. I held little Ruth on my hip and stood near the door. My father lay there pale and wilted, his lips stained red. Dried blood streaked the rumpled sheets. My father’s condition had worsened until Dr. Morris informed us of the need to remove a tumor from his stomach.

The doctor had warned us the procedure might not save him, so my father asked to see all of us together in case this was the end. I told myself this would not be his final goodbyes. He would get better. He had to. We needed him. We all needed him. He could always calm Mother, encourage me to take a risk, guide James to pursue the right and just thing, inspire confidence in Florence, and tickle giggles and good behavior out of my youngest sisters. He took care of us. He was going to be all right. He was going to get better. He had to get better.

He asked for James, who had Lillian by the hand. My brother clung to his composure, but his eyes were red. James released Lillian and maneuvered around Mother and Florence, who were sitting in chairs next to the bed. Florence clutched my mother’s hand, and my mother clutched her embroidered handkerchief.

“James.” My father fumbled for his grasp. James clasped his hand and lowered himself.

“Be strong. You will need to be the head of the family,” my father’s voice rasped.

James closed his eyes and shook his head slightly but didn’t say anything. My father squeezed his hand. James bent over and clutched my father and then retreated to a chair next to the win-dow. He dropped his head into his hands. Lillian nudged him until he sat up and took her in his arms.

“Lillian?”

She hesitantly turned out of James’ hug and inched her way to Father.

He reached out and touched her cheek. “You’re the only one who can fix a smile on my face no matter how difficult my day.

Don’t ever stop. Take care of Ruth. She looks up to you.”

Lillian hugged him and then turned around red-faced and stomped over to me.

“Watch over your mother,” my father told Florence.

Stopping in front of me, Lillian lowered her brow and crinkled her nose. Her lips were tight as she whispered, “Why didn’t you fix him?”

My stomach lurched and I swallowed. “I told you I couldn’t.” “Bring me Ruth.”

I glanced at my father. “I’m not a nurse,” I whispered to Lillian. “I’m nothing.” I walked past her and lowered Ruth to the bed. She crawled around our father and snuggled him.

He squeezed her with one arm. “You’ll always be my little squirrel. Keep Lillian out of trouble. It’s a big job, but you’re a big girl now, aren’t you?”

Ruth’s pupils grew.

Then he reached for my hand. I clutched his and submitted to his pull. I sat on the bed and leaned forward so he could whisper into my ear. “You have to take care of them, too. James cannot do it alone. I’m going to need you to make sacrifices. You’re strong enough. No matter what you have to do, no matter how extreme, you will have to sacrifice for your family for the rest of your life.”

I pulled back and stared into his eyes, unsure exactly what he meant, but I didn’t care. He thought he was dying and all I wanted was to make him know I’d do whatever he wanted. I would worry about understanding later. I would ask him the next time we were alone. For now, I closed my eyes and silently swore it. “I promise, no matter what it takes. I will.” I stood and turned away so he wouldn’t have to see me cry. I wiped the tears off my cheeks with the back of my hand.