Just thinking about that night makes my body tingle. It was beautiful in ways that can only be experienced. When I kissed him, everything else vanished and that was all I wanted to do till the world came to an end. Then he started to kiss me everywhere. Slowly and deliberately. He seemed to know my buttons and he pressed every single one. There was no awkwardness as our bodies found each other in the dark and fell in sync. He was just the right size and the things he did with his tongue...
As he slipped his sleek manhood into me, I gasped and screamed. I could feel the throbbing in my throat. Every thrust brought me an inch closer to what seemed like heaven. I can never forget waking up at sunrise and actually watching the sun rise through the window. I felt guilty but at the same time I felt a certain kind of pleasure that seemed impossible before. I don't know which was stronger. In retrospect, it must have been the pleasure, because I turned around and did it again.
I've had good sex, bad sex and average sex, but what do you call sex that makes you smile in the middle of a busy day at work? What do you call sex that you can still feel between your legs days after? What do you call sex that continuously sends a tingling sensation through your entire body in short, repeated spasms? Lend me that word when you find it, for that defined what Tom and I shared.
I thought as I left Tom's flat that Saturday morning, it'd be that last time we would be together. I was very wrong! I couldn't stop thinking about him and my body wanted him in a way I have never wanted another. Somehow, we started seeing each other often and as we learned more about pleasing each other. A friendship grew and the bedroom antics got better, wilder and more exciting. He wasn't an angel all the way as sometimes he drove me crazy when he went on his guilt trips. I was well aware what we were doing was wrong; I did not need him to constantly remind me. For me, you either shit or get off the pot. Whining never helped anyone.
Then he started buying me gifts. I am such a girl, in the sense that I love pretty little things. Why did a part of me feel awkward at first when Tom started giving me money and buying me stuff? Silly sanctimonious me wanted to tell myself I wasn't sleeping with Tom for money as do most girls who sleep with married men. Truth however was, whatever my motives were, I was sleeping with him and loving the gifts. Nothing separated me from the people I shamelessly judge! After I considered it, I slipped into a comfort zone there and accepted whatever he gave me. I even got to the point where I would ask for something if I needed it and thought he could give me.
We had some very unreasonable fights though. I got upset when he deleted me from his Blackberry messenger contact list because he was going to be with his wife. All that however was mild in comparison to the fight we had when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't want to tell him about it, I just didn't want to bring chaos into his otherwise ordered life. On my way to the clinic to book an appointment to have a D&C, I made a grave mistake. I had been chatting with my best friend, Titi, and she was trying to encourage me and make me see that everything will be okay.
I mistakenly typed the words on my blackberry, "whether or not it's an egg, I'm taking a life. How do I live with that?" and sent to Tom. Immediately he got it, he called me. I didn't even realize the mistake I made, so I tried to sound calm as I spoke to him. He called my name ever so gently, and said, "Kosi, how could you?" I broke down and started to cry. "Tom, I'm so sorry. I just didn't want to cause you any pain. I don't even know what I was thinking, maybe I wasn't thinking."I asked the cab to turn around and I went to meet him at Southern Sun. I fell into his arms and cried. We stayed that way for the next 15minutes or so. There was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be.
It's exactly three years after that day. I had the abortion and moved to London. I lived with Titi for a while and then Tom got me a place of my own. I did a post graduate and got a job after that. Tom would come to London every now and again and we would go on trips around Europe. Last year, I met Emeka and he was so like Tom in many ways. Carefree, witty, warm and most of all, a good friend. We started dating and on my birthday when he asked me to marry him, the first person I called to share the good news with was Tom. We screamed and laughed for a long time. He was coming to London the next day and I couldn't wait to see him.
I went to the Hilton at Paddington where he was and after dinner, we made passionate love. I cried because I knew it was the last time. We talked about how we both never guessed that we would be together and our little secret would remain secret this long. He gave me a gold necklace with my initials and we were locked in a tight embrace for what seemed like forever. Without words, we kissed goodbye and I walked out of the room and never looked back.
On my wedding day, I spotted him in the crowd and he just winked at me. I smiled back... My heart melted. There was my friend. A friend who had a place in my heart; a special place reserved for him alone. We might never see again, but I know I would never, ever forget what we shared. Ironically, Peter and I never saw each other again after that day. Some people just come into our lives, make a difference (good or bad) and take a bow. I guess that's what he did!
