Sherlock Holmes: Madame, can I suggest you look at this menu. It's, ah, completely identical.
*
John: What are you so happy about?
Sherlock: Moriarty.
John: What's Moriarty?
Sherlock: I have absolutely no idea.
*
Lestrade: Any ideas?
Sherlock: Seven. So far.
*
Sherlock: I dislike being outnumbered. It makes for too much stupid in the room.
*
John: What the hell is happening?
Sherlock: Mrs. Hudson's been attacked by an American. I'm restoring balance to the universe.
*
Sherlock: Phone Lestrade. Tell him there's an escaped rabbit.
John: Are you serious?
Sherlock: It's this or Cluedo.
*
John Watson: [upon first seeing Baker Street] Well this is a prime spot. Must be expensive.
Sherlock Holmes: Mrs. Hudson, the landlady, is giving me a special deal. She owes me a favour. A few years back her husband got himself sentenced to death in Florida. I was able to help out.
John Watson: You stopped her husband from being executed?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, no. I ensured it.
*
Lestrade: But how...?
Sherlock Holmes: ...What do you mean how?
[Lestrade shrugs]
Sherlock Holmes: Rachel! ...Don't you see? Rachel!
[Everyone stares blankly]
Sherlock Holmes: ...Ha. Look at you lot. You're all so vacant. Is it nice not being me? It must be so relaxing.
*
[Watson enters]
Sherlock Holmes: I said 'Can you pass me a pen?'.
John Watson: What? When?
Sherlock Holmes: About an hour ago.
John Watson: Didn't notice I'd gone out then?
*
[Soo Lin Yao is polishing a teapot]
Sherlock Holmes: Fancy a biscuit with that?
[She gasps and drops the teapot, Sherlock catches it]
Sherlock Holmes: Centuries old...don't want to break that...
*
[Sherlock runs through museum, hides behind display to dodge bullets]
Sherlock Holmes: Careful! Some of those skulls are over two hundred thousand years old! Have a bit of respect! (gunfire stops, silence) ...Thank you!
*
Sherlock Holmes: [watching television] No, no, NO! Of course he's not the boy's father! Look at the turn-ups on his jeans!
John Watson: I knew it was dangerous.
Sherlock Holmes: Hmm?
John Watson: Getting you into crap telly.
*
Sherlock Holmes: Shame on you, John Watson.
Dr. John Watson: Shame on me?
Sherlock Holmes: Mrs. Hudson leave Baker Street? England would fall!
*
Dr. John Watson: We should call the police.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
[fires into the air]
Sherlock Holmes: On their way.
Dr. John Watson: For God's sake!
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, shut up. It's quick.
*
