Unrequited Truth [bxb; gxg]

UREQUITED TRUTH

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"When I first saw her- "

"Fuck, are you really going to start this shit again? You told us about her a million times already, Tod, get over it. She chose her, not you, you're hurt. We get it, now stop whining and pay the tab. I'm getting your drunk ass home!"

"But, I haven't finished the -hic- story yet ..."

"You're obviously intoxicated, so please don't. Every time you start the story, it gets longer and more complicated."

"B-but, it really happened, Tommy."

"No, it didn't, and I'm not Tommy. It's Abel, remember? Tommy's older brother. He asked me to take you home, since he had some things to run over with his college professor."

"You're Abel? ... Of course you are, Tommy talks about you all the time, you're the dude that dresses like a chick!"

"Actually, that's my boyfriend you're talking about. His name's Bradley and he's a Cher impersonator. Any boy who decides to do impression, does her ... I don't know why thoe, nobody looks like her."

"Can I have just one more drink, Abey baby?"

"No, and don't call me that."

"Call you what?"

"Abey baby."

"Ha, you said it, now I must call you that ... Abey-"

"I said stop it!"

"-baby."

"I'm serious, Tod. I don't care what Tommy says, I will punch you in the face if you call me that one more time."

"Okay, I won't... under one con-hic-dition."

"What is it?"

"I tell you the story."

"Please don't ..."

"Abey-"

"Fine, tell me the story!"

"Yay! So, it all happened long, long ago-"

"Last week, Tod. It happened last week."

"Stop being a party pooper and listen to the story, Abey. Where was I? Oh yes it all happened a long, long time ago. Princ Theodore was just getting ready for a ball, which was to be put on for his eighteenth birthday-"

"Hate to break it to you, Tod, but you're twenty-five. Your eighteenth birthday was long before you met her."

"Sssh, don't spoil the story for them."

"For who? There's nobody here."

"Of course there are, see, right past the screen? There's a girl with a ponytail, and that one over there has red rimmed glasses, and another one has-"

"Tod, you're creeping me out, who are you talking about?"

"Well, the readers of course, who else? Anyways, Theodore was a very handsome prince. You might even say he was the fairest of them all ..."

" ... the only one handsomer than him was the only other person in the room."

"Stop it, and handsomer is not a word, Abey. You should know that, you're an -hic- English professor at Stanford."