Hidden Hale

Loss

Loss. The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as 'the fact or process of losing something or someone'. Very matter of fact, very distant. You could compare that definition to, say, a five year old losing their teddy. Of course they'll be upset, a few tears may be shed, but in the end it's just a toy.

The loss I felt after losing my big sister cannot be defined by the Oxford English Dictionary. It cannot be defined in two sentences written by some language professor who knows a lot about academics I'm sure, but has yet to experience real, raw emotion. Derek told me to move on I have to express myself, so here goes:

Loss is a little like drowning. You sit alone and the feelings of misery and agony overwhelm you so completely it becomes a challenge to complete any functions other than those done automatically by the body. The grief pins you to your spot as chains of emotion hold you down and you struggle to breathe as choked sobs alter your breathing patterns. Mucus fills your airways as the body tries to fix whatever problem it thinks is causing the pain, causing the chest to grow tight as little oxygen can reach the lungs. All that is left in a sea of despair is the blind hope that one day you'll see them again in whatever afterlife you believe in.

Drowning, however, is not entirely accurate. People can drown in companionship, yet loss isolates. It could be compared to waking up in a dark room alone. You feel cut off from the world, feel as though they are somehow another species. The general public is happy. You are not. The person you lost would understand, but they are gone, abandoning you to a sea of fake - pitying glances and casseroles placed on the doorstep.

For about a week after Laura's death, I was ignorant to the world in my loss. At the start of week two though, I realised that Laura is gone and there is nothing I can do about it. Yes, my body still aches with pain at the thought of her, but I realised I still had one important thing: Derek. I was not alone. So I guess I moved on to the last stage of acceptance.

I stirred myself from my room, showered, and slowly began to feel like a real human being again. I was far from okay, but I could put a mask on for the world.

As I walked downstairs to get a snack, I heard voices. Following the noise, I came across two boys who were, oh god, digging up Laura's body. "What the hell?" I yell, striding towards them. "This is private property; Get out!"

They looked up in shock. "Um, did Derek suddenly get a gender change? Because I'm pretty sure there's a female Derek right there." The idiot speaking had a buzzcut and no muscle, I'm guessing he was human.

The other boy shoved him. "Shut up, Stiles. That's Abigail Hale, she went to kindergarten with us until like fifth grade." At Stiles' confused look he elaborated. "Derek's sister?"

I stalked over to the two of them. "Now that we've established who I am, let's talk about who the hell you are and what the hell you're doing here."

"I'm Scott and this is Stiles." While he said teir names the broader boy gestured to himself and Stiles.

"You idiot!" Stiles muttered. "You don't give your name to werewolves. If she's related to Derek I shudder to think of what she could do."

I crossed my arms. "I'm not a werewolf. And you still haven't told me what you're doing here, Scott McCall."

He stumbled. "McCall? Oh, me? God, I hate Hales." At my glare he started walking backwards. "You know what, Stiles? I think we should probably go."

"Ah," Buzzcut nodded, stumbling over his own feet. "Very deductive reasoning, Mr McCall. I might just take you up on that advice."

Once the two of them were gone, I turned to the grave they had dug up and withheld a sob. Lying there was Laura... or half of her anyway. She looked just like she had the last time I saw her, except ever so slightly shorter.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to my sister, hoping that somewhere she could hear me. "I should have been here for you. You died alone, and that's something I'll never forgive myself for. Know this, though: you will be avenged. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but our family has lost too much without any retaliation. Someday the world will once again know the Hale name holds power, holds authority, demands respect. I promise you."

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Derek. He nodded silently at me as he began to rebury Laura and I made my downtown. It was time for another reunion, one I'd been avoiding for six years.