"Laying here just lighting another one, I don't know where it'll end. I've tired quitting so many times. But just like the narcotics, nicotine is a killer. Without it there's no rush, no point almost. Lighting another one just to breathe in the smoke, getting a head rush, it's all I need. My friends have told me time and time again "you need to quit, it's not worth it. You're killing yourself."
Half of the time I laugh at that when I'm alone, cause that's the point. I'm too afraid to take my own life, so I'd rather let something so socially acceptable kill me from the inside out. Without it I feel dead, and everytime I light one, I feel alive. No matter how many times I'll try to quit, I can't. I just won't. It's like I'm so lifeless and the nicotine is a life saver, like a little devil on my shoulder telling me "it's okay, it'll always be okay. Just fall in line and kill yourself slowly."
I don't think I'll ever quit, I don't think I'll ever get over it. But when I'm out, it's the worst, I get so bad. I get so tired and feel so worthless. That's why I daydream of them when I'm out. And that's why it's so tiring, I just want to quit smoking. But even that's a daydream. It's just an endless, tiring cycle, and I just want to stop spinning."
YOU ARE READING
The Thoughts of An Addict
PoetryThese are just some thoughts I've had struggling with addiction myself, and seen people struggle with addiction. It's a rough path to go down. I hope you enjoy.
