Alexander Julius White Point of View
Tandang tanda ko nung araw na yun.
That was the first time I have seen her. She was smiling. And kitang kita mo ung saya niya. Hindi ko alam kung ano ung dahilan kung bakit siya masaya.
All I know is that her smile was so captivating.
Alam mong totoo. Walang halong biro o pagkukunwari.
I don’t know her name. And I don’t have any intention to ask that little information simply because I’m already satisfied with her smile. As long as I could see it, I could spend the day with a glow.
Hindi ako inlove sa kanya. Sobrang natutuwa lang ako na makakita nang isang masayahing tao katulad niya.
Almost every day ko siyang nakikita sa library. Don’t know kung anong exact time siya napunta dun. Basta laging kasama niya ung mga kaibigan niya. At laging silang masaya. Kung tatahimik man sila, for sure, may exam sila.
Yun ung lagi kong naoobserbahan sa kanilang magbabarkada.
Actually, hindi pa nga nag-standout sa paningin ko si Jana nung una e.
Until one day, I saw her there. Mag isa lang. Tahimik. Seryoso.
Hindi ko alam kung anong course niya or kung me pinagdadaanan ba siya. Pero halatang halata ung expression niya this time.
Gloomy. Stressed. Walang gana.
Kung bag a wala na ung smile na nakikita ko sa kanya dati.
Wala nang glow na nakakapagpa-ngiti sa kanya.
I started wondering why.
Hindi naman ako chismoso.
Kung tutuusin I don’t know her.
And I can’t find any reason why I would come at her and asked why.
Baka sabihin nya, sino ba ko para makialam sa buhay niya?
Pero mamula nung unang araw na napansin ko siya, I can’t stopped my eyes from looking at her.
She was like a star. A small star with a very glowing light.
I was so amazed with that light that I couldn’t refrain myself from it.
I know.
I was like a fan.
I stood from where I was sitting. Walks towards her direction. And sit on the table facing at her. Solo chair. Pero me divider. Sa malayo muka kayong twin towers pero hindi niyo alam sa isa’t isa. Kasi may naghihiwalay sa inyong dalawa na harang. Alam ko kung ano ang purpose nun. Para hindi magkaistorbuhan.
But that time, that simple solo chairs was my only way to show my concern. I want to tell her that she was not alone. And whenever she feels sad, I’ll be right there. Sitting on the other side. Waiting for her to notice me.
I really want to make a move.
I want to move my feet, my lips, my hands. I wanted her to know me. I want her to know my existence in her little world. I want her to simply look at my direction. Ignore everything that causes her sadness and simply look at me.
But I just can’t find the right reasons.
The right answers if she will glance at me with a question.
Don’t know why I’m so captivated with her.
At dumaan nga ang mga araw, bigla na lang siyang nawala. Hindi ko alam kung saan siya hahanapin. Tanging pangalan lang na “Jana” ang natatandaan ko. Apat na letra. At wala nang iba pa.
Sabi ko sa sarili ko. Bakit mo ba siya hinahanap? Para san ba? Sino ba yang Jana na yan?
Pero sabi nga nila, there’s nothing that could beat TRUE LOVE. No matter who you are with, you will never escape from it. Simply because you were meant to be.
That’s what I believe for.
But now that I can’t find her, I want to drop it right now.
Para akong tanga noh?
Kalalaking tao, naniniwala sa ganyan. Naniniwala sa fairy tale. Sa true love. Sa meant to be.
Hindi naman talaga ako ganitong lalaki.
I was just captivated by her. At yun lang.
Gusto ko na sanang kalimutan na siya. Kung tutuusin, wala namang naging meron sa ming dalawa. She doesn’t even know me. Pero nung dumating ung araw na yon, I can’t stopped myself from letting her enter my world.
***flashback***
Sumakay ako sa elevator to go to the 5th floor. Nang biglang may lumusot na maliit na kamay. Muntik na siyang maipit. Buti na lang nadetect nung elevator na may sasakay pa.
I couldn’t believe myself. It was her. But this time, she’s in a different aura.
Don’t know what makes her decide to dye her hair. To let her bangs tied up with a hairpin. And let her eyes painted with black eyeliner. Her lips were also glossy but not red.
Tiningnan niya ako with curiosity.
Kahit sino naman talaga magtataka kung bigla may matutulala dib a?
Hindi ko lang kasi akalaing babaguhin niya ung itsura niya.
Hindi ko ma-explain ung feeling.
Maganda siya. Mas maganda.
Pero andoon pa din e.
Andoon pa din ung pagiging gloomy.
Ung aura na parang mabigat.
Ung feeling na alam mong hindi siya masaya.
Minsan iniisip ko na dami dami ng opportunity na dumating sa akin para tanungin siya o pasayahin pero ni minsan hindi ko ginawa.
Napaka-wala kong kwenta talaga.
Wala na nga akong ginawa dati. Ngayon naman, natotorpe. Natutulala.
Nagulat na lang ako nang bigla siyang kumulbit.
“Excuse me. Sa yo ba to?”
She was holding a handkerchief in her left hand. Facing at me.
“Uhm…Hindi ba to say o?”
And she gave me another question pero reversed na.
Medyo matagal na bago pa pumasok sa utak ko na kinakausap niya nga ako.
Sobra akong nagulat. Di makapaniwala. Buti na lang nagawa kong ibalik ang sarili ko sa reality.
“Ah. Oo! Sensya na…”
And then she smiled once again. I can’t believe it.
Medyo napangiti din ako. Napahiya din kasi ako at the same time.
Bakit nga naman kasi ako natulala. Sa dami daming pagkakataon, at sa dami daming taong pedeng mapahiya, bakit sa kanya pa?
I felt like stupid and happy all at once.
Then biglang bumukas ang elevator.
At palabas na siya.
Ang bilis. Ang bilis naman ng moment namin.
But before I let my feelings shattered with regret, I shouted.
“Alex!!!!”
Nagulat siya kasi sumigaw ako. Pero bago pa siya makapagsalita eh biglang nagsara na ang pintuan ng elevator.
And then I turned red.
So red.
