Phan Oneshots

The day I lost my Bear

Word count: 1043
Trigger warnings: Suicide, character death.

Phil's POV
It had been 18 months since Dan had last spoken to me. It was all my fault. Dan used to so full of energy and Dan-ness but now he never leaves his room, only when he needs to use the bathroom.  He doesn't even want to eat. I would have to put his food outside his door.  I have to admit the apartment was quite lonely without Dan. I know he still lives here, but it feels as if I'm all alone.
The fans wondered why we stopped uploading on DanandPhilgames and why Dan stopped uploading on his main channel. I explained that he just decided to stop YouTube for a while, and that he might be back in the future. I kept uploading on AmazingPhil but not as often as I used to. That was until one fateful day
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It was a day like any other, Dan was refusing to talk to me, and I was cooking dinner. I felt like having pancakes so that's what I made. I finished cooking the pancakes and put some on a plate for Dan. I walk towards Dan's room and knock on his door. I never usually do that but it just felt natural. I heard a muffled groan as I opened the door. "Hey Dan, I-I brought you some pancakes..." I cooed. Dan grunted and wrote something down on his whiteboard.

Go away.

"Dan, why don't you talk to me anymore?" I asked.

Because of what you did

"I'm sorry! I really am! Why can't you speak to me?" I said, tears threading to spill.

No you aren't, just leave me alone.

"Dan please." I whimpered tears freely falling now.

"I said leave me alone!" Dan's voice filled the room.

"If that's how you want it to be then fine!" I shouted, my voice braking, due to the crying. I ran out of the room and slammed the door.

What did I do wrong?

I flop onto my bed, soaking the pillow with my tears. He finally talked to me after a year and a half but it was to get rid of me. I never wanted this. I want my bear back.

TRIGGER WARNING BEGINS HERE

I eventually fall asleep but only to be awoken by a loud bang. My only thoughts were

Please don't let that've been Dan...

I bolt out of my room and try to open Dan's door. It's locked. I look around the house for the key to unlock the door but no luck. I end up breaking to door open, by kicking it down. On the floor I see something I never thought I would see in my life time.

Dan laying on the floor dead.

I rush over to Dan's body.

No pulse.. No movement.. No life...

Tears begin to fall from my eyes. As I see my best friend lifeless. "This is all my fault! If I hadn't have done that he would still be here" I whimper.

BACKSTORY TIME

"Hey Dan, I'm washing things, anything you need me to wash" I yelled across the apartment. "Umm I have one thing but I need you to be very careful with it." Dan walked over to me and handed me the plushie that I gave him when we first met.
"You still kept this?!" I smiled.
"Of course I did! It's really special to me so don't break it" Dan ordered.
"Okay, I'll be extra careful" I grabbed the plush and walked towards the washing machine.  I placed the plush in the washer and turned it on. What I didn't know that it was on high...

I came back to the washer a couple minutes later and find parts of the plushie ripped off.

Crapcrapcrap

I quickly grabbed the plush and run to my room. Thankfully my mum taught me how to sew when I was younger. I stitched it up and made it look as good as new.

"Daaan" I called. Dan walked into my room.
"Did you wash it?" He tilted his head to the side.
"Mhm! Here you go" I handed Dan the plush. " just be careful because... It's old and all that"
"You ripped it..." Dan mumbled
"What was that? I didn't hear you" I asked.
"I said YOU RIPPED IT" Dan shouted louder.
"Dan I'm sorry! I didn't know the washer was on high!!" I apologized.
"Sorry's not enough, I told you to be carful with it but you ripped it! Goodbye Lester" Dan ran into his room and slammed the door. I expected Dan to forgive me the next day, but he never did.  18 months eventually passed and he still didn't say anything to me.

I look at Dan's brown fringe. It was slightly curly and stained with blood. I looked at his night stand and saw a note.  It was hard to read with tears flooding my eyes but I tried and Dan's messy handwriting didn't help either.

Dear Phil,
        I'm sorry for leaving you this way but, I couldn't let life go on this way. I never should've shut you out like that, this is all my fault. But can you forgive me? I'm sorry for making such a big deal over a rip. You tried to fix it and you cared. Time flew by and before I knew it, it had been a year and a half since I talked to you. Thank you for telling the fans what happened and making up an excuse for me. Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for being my little lion 💕

Phil's tears kept coming and harder. Phil knew he couldn't live without Dan. Phil glanced at the gun by Dan's hand.

Phil, don't do it...

Phil grabbed the gun and fiddled with the trigger.

Philip Michael Lester, put that gun down now.

Phil put the gun down. He didn't want to cause more pain to his friends and family, even the fans. If he killed himself then so would many other people in the world.

Dan, I love you and you will be missed. I will never forget you and you will live on in my heart.

And that was the day Phil lost his Bear...