All You Had To Do Was Stay

19. I

Don't hate me.
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"I was searching in your eyes for something that was never there."

                                       -d.j, Via Tumblr

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"Taylor!"

I start running after her once I came back to my senses. She keeps walking away hurriedly, not giving me a chance to do anything.

And I realise...I call her name as if it's an instinct. An impulse. Something that just came out of the tip of my tongue like something memorised from my youth years that I know like my name.

I remember her name. And I remember who she is as she keeps walking away.

"Taylor, wait!" I call again, horrified at what I'd just done. "You can't just walk away after slapping me for no reason." I take a hold of her elbow, and causing her to turn and she pushes me as if it's a reflex.

"What! What else do you want to lie about? Is this some sort of a joke to you playing with my feelings? What's next, you're "God-sent from heaven"?" She pushes me again. "I don't even know who you are! And you just keep coming around as if we've been friends for years when in fact, I just found out your actual name. And you trashed your own home- you could have run away from a mental hospital for all I freaking know." She takes a deep breath. But she doesn't say anything else.

I stare at her flustered state; her cheeks flushed and eyes slightly filled with tears. And I know I've done wrong to this innocent soul, I should have not went by with my recklessness. "I can't take back what I already said, I am dead. I'm only stuck here to...you know." I murmer and drop my gaze to the ground.

"Can you just put yourself in my position? Do you understand how hard that is to believe?"

I stay silent, because if it were me, I'd punch the person and tell them not to fuck with me.

"Ed-Harry, you do have a pulse. The only person you're lying to now is yourself."

What?

"No, ther-"

She takes my hand and presses my palm on her chest, where her heartbeats echo in her ribcage. "Do you feel that? That's a pulse. And I can breathe. " She then turns my hand to press against my own chest. "Now feel this."

I purse my lips, actually doing what she's telling me although it-

Wait...

I feel it. Faint, small, barely noticeable. But it's there. And I choke on my spit. "That's not possible." I shake my head in disbelief, jerking my hand away from my chest and her touch. "No, this can't be!" I fist my hair as start pacing back and forth.

What the fuck is going on now?

"You- " I look at her."You have to understand, I am not alive. I swear. I don't know what's going on but this can't be real." I look at the sky in frustration, letting out a groan.