stockholm syndrome - tracob

nineteen

"Yes, Dan, please take this call for me. Rachel, when do I have my next meeting?" Troye asked his assistant.

"Five minutes ago," she replied.

"Shit, why didn't you say so? I have to go!"

"Troye, it's fine," she laughed. "It's a lunch meeting with yourself. I scheduled it on purpose. Take a break. You've been working your ass off, you've deserved it."

Troye shook his head and laughed too. "What did I ever do to deserve someone like you, love?" he kissed her cheek as he took his jacket. "I'm so glad you came all the way from the Big Apple to here. Got a nice suggestion for me on where to take my lunch?" Right as he asked her his phone beeped.

"I just sent you the address, yeah. Go. Take your time."

Troye smiled. "Thanks dear."

He walked out of his office and sighed, finally relaxing a bit. The last few months had taken a toll on him, but on a positive note. He had been working in his dad's company, and business had been good. His dad said he was a natural for working in the music business. Maybe one day soon he could open up his own studio, start his own record label. He would absolutely love that. Troye picked up his ringing phone as he walked through the hallway.

"Hari, love, I'm on my break right now."

"..."

"Yeah, it was a scheduled one, thanks to Rachel. What would I ever do without her?" he laughed. "Do you have time?"

"..."

"Alright, great! See you in a jiff." He hang up. "Ah, Adam, just the man I was looking for. Take a break, you have earned it."

Adam laughed. "Sure thing boss."

"Don't call me boss you damned arsekisser. Take your coat, Rachel gave me a place we should check out."

"Okay boss, be right up," Adam said. He grinned. Troye laughed and shook his head. He could still not get used to being the boss of people. However, with his new management promotion he had recently gotten he was, on paper, Adam's boss. There was a whole floor working under him, but he didn't really feel like they were. He was still a newcomer in his eyes, an invader of their working place. The people working here had had much more experience in this business that he had gotten by now, so he made sure to listen to their advice as much as he could and take whatever they said into account. At the end of the day however, he was still the one calling the shots.

It was good, the way things were. He was still seeing his therapist – in fact, he believed he had a meeting scheduled with her right after his lunch break – but things were going good. Not like he could get Jacob out of his mind, but ah well. He didn't really want to, anyway.

He had listened to his therapist though and not gotten in touch with him. What he had done was give Jacob an anonymous donation. Suddenly Jacob's mum could get hospitalized so she would get the care she needed and Jacob had enough money to send his two little sisters to a decent school. He even had made sure Jacob had the opportunity to take a class course, but he wasn't sure if Jacob had taken up on that offer yet. Bas had only allowed him to ask one question each week about Jacob and how things were going, on advice of his therapist. He wasn't allowed to obsess about the man too much.

Not like he wasn't, he just didn't allow others to see it.

It was still pretty difficult for him to accept that the feelings he had for Jacob weren't supposed to be there. So what if they didn't start under normal circumstances? His emotions just felt so real, so good, he couldn't believe there was anything bad about feeling the way he did about Jacob.

His therapist, Mirna, had often explained it to him though. How she said that the small, kind gestures Jacob had made him shouldn't make up for the fact that he kidnapped him. How giving Troye a blanket and a breath mint shouldn't mean he could forgive Jacob for taking away his freedom. How feeding Troye and bringing him the sweets he liked shouldn't make it okay that Jacob had also harmed Troye physically, that he had drugged him and that he had scarred him emotionally.

She explained it again and again, with the same patience as the first time, and when they were talking Troye always felt that what she said made absolute sense. However, when he was alone again, or when he would just go about his day, he couldn't help but think about Jacob. Think about the way his eyes wrinkled as he laughed, or the way he had been worried about Troye when he had refused to eat. He couldn't stop but think how at ease he had felt with Jacob, which was special under the given circumstances, but would've also been special during everyday life. It had been a long time since Troye had felt safer when someone else was in his presence, and he felt like the relationship Jacob and he had, the bond between the two of them, was something more than just a syndrome. He felt like they were meant to meet, like they weren't supposed to live their life without knowing of the other one's existence.

Troye was okay with letting Jacob be right where he was though. But no, he hadn't been able to start a real relationship with someone else just yet. Not like he hadn't tried; the guy from the coffee shop had been very nice, but after a few dates he felt that he couldn't stop comparing him to Jacob in everything he did. He wasn't ready for a relationship yet, and that was okay. Troye was okay. He had Hari, and Adam, and his father, and Bas. He had work, and his co-workers, he still had his childhood nanny, Nancy, he had Mirna, and he was happy.

He really was.

He just wished he would have been able to live in another life, so he could share his happiness with Jacob. But he would get over that feeling. It would just take more time. And for now, everything was okay just the way it was.

the end.