(DISCONTINUED) Erejean:My beginning and my end

Again

"Sometimes all you can do is hope you fall asleep before you fall apart."

    My eyes forced themselves open. The sunlight almost blinded me. I sat up on my bed and looked at my surroundings. I'm not in Eren's room but I'm in my own. No annoyingly adorable teenager with green eyes in sight. I sighed. I was alone, don't know why I'm just noticing. I was always alone.

  Now is not any different. I looked over at my clock, 11:30 am. I got up from my bed and shed my clothes to take a shower. I threw them into my hamper and entered the bathroom. I ran warm water to my liking. Just like a routine. I grabbed my razors. I started intently at them, my reflection shining back at me. ((What is this Mulan))

   I entered into the warm almost burning water. Crimson. What a beautiful color, isn't it? After I got out of the shower I bandaged myself up. "I cut deeper then usual." I muttered under my breath. Blood started to show up on the bandages. I got dressed quickly and curled up in my bed. I closed my eyes dozing off until my phone rang.

   "Hello?" I questioned. "Hey do you want to come over to finish our English project?" Eren asked. "Yea I'll be over in abit." I said. "See ya then." He replied. The call ended. I gathered my things and left the house. I finally got to Eren's house. I rang the doorbell and Eren greeted me. We went upstairs to his room.

  We finally finished our project after some time. Eren stretched out his arms. He grunted as he popped his back. Eren started to stare at me. It made me feel uncomfortable. He got off his bed and grabbed my wrists again. "Why?" It felt nostalgic. "I told you to stop doing this. To reach out to me. And yet here you are, blood staining through your shirt and jeans." His voice cracked.

  I didn't respond. Eren took me to the bathroom and told me to take off my clothes. I looked down at my drenched pants and shirt. Eren gave me a serious look. I took off my shirt and pants. He started to clean the wounds. It hurt like a bitch. I scrunched up my face every time he touched me.

    I felt disgusted. I didn't want Eren to see this side of me. This weak and hopeless person. And my body is appalling. I don't want him to see me like this.