The Forgotten Wife

4. Nan Knows Best

Meilani

I jam the keys in the ignition roughly and turn them sharply. My Mercedes purrs to life and I reverse out of the parking space and drive towards the exit of the underground parking garage.

I know most people assume that Aiden bought my car but he didn't. Saving up and buying it for myself was one of my proudest moments. It was the first time that I had something entirely my own. It was real and tangible and it was the result of all of my hard work over the years.

Driving is my escape, it's always helps me clear my head. Right now, I have too much on my mind to focus. I turn right and accelerate away from the hospital. It takes me a few more turns and a few impatient moments dealing with traffic before I reach the on ramp for the motorway.

I accelerate and delight in the feeling of flying over the tar seal. I feel a sense of calm begin to creep into me as I race though the city.

Why did I agree to this?

The idea of living with Aiden again after months of separation fills me with dread. Towards the end, we couldn't even have a simple conversation without ending up in a fight. It was horrible, I didn't even recognise the people we had become.

The separation was necessary and it gave me the time I needed to clear my head and realise that I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't forgive him for the choices he had made and I would never be able to look at him without feeling completely betrayed.

I'm afraid that he will somehow convince me to forgive him. I know how persuasive he can be, he is charismatic and he has this almost magnetic aura that draws people to him; it's what makes him such a good businessman. But its more than that, he has this way of getting under my skin and making me see things from his perspective that makes him hard to ignore.

I'm scared of falling victim to his charms, I don't want him to pull me in again only to hurt me because he will.  He will never let me have what I want.  

I thought he had more respect for me but I guess I was wrong. All he truly cares about is himself, it was his selfishness that destroyed us. Destroyed me.

A silent tear escapes my eye and traces the contour of my face. I blink the moisture always and focus on shifting lanes so I can take the next exit.

Will this pain ever go away?

I can't even allow myself to think about it, it just hurts too much. I want to protect myself from that pain. The only way I know how is to stay away from Aiden

I can already feel it wearing at my already fragile emotional state. I can't live with him again, it's too much too soon. When I think about what could have been I feel empty, nothing can ever fix this hollowness inside me.

This is a huge mistake.

I'm going to go back tomorrow and talk about alternative treatments with the doctors. I can ask for a second opinion maybe find a specialist to take him as a patient.

I sigh as I realise I missed my turn while I was obsessing about Aiden. I flick on my indicator and execute a U-turn and take the correct turn this time. I zip thought the narrow streets until I see the blue and white sign for Hayward Retirement Village. I park in one of the visitor care parks and head into reception to sign in.

"Hi Francie," I greet the receptionist.

"Hey Meilani, Aroha is having a good day," she informs me brightly.

I thank her and head through the corridors and out the back door to the gardens. The gravel crunches underfoot as I walk in between the white and red roses. The light floral fragrance wafts around me and compliments the melodic humming of the bees.