Mine (✔)

5.am {15}

blood.

blood everywhere.

sirens.

red and blue lights.

ambulance.

white walls.

Quinn.

heart pounding.  

"whats happening, please someone tell me! Is he alright?? "

"Emma, honey.. they are trying really hard, but.. we don't know"

that's when everything in me broke. My back was against the hospital wall and I was crying my eyes out. Quinns mom , Anna crouched down next to me and took me into her arms. It hurt so much, so fucking much. After all this time, I thought that he was getting better, that he happy. He told me he was happy. That I made him happy. He told me that he would never have those thoughts again. 

why did he fucking lie? 

The tears wont stop coming out , every memory came rushing back. 

his smile.

his laugh.

was it all a lie?

NO no no no , hes going to be okay. Hes going to okay. okay. okay. 

Hes going to okay.

okay.  

" Hes going to okay right. Tell me that he will be okay. ?" I mumble into Anna's sweater, I was still in her arms. She wouldn't let me go. 

" we don't know Em.. that doctors said that he lost a lot of blood and its diffi-" another sob, I held onto her this time, we both were a mess, sobbing on the floor. 

This was the second time that he tried to kill himself. The first time, I was there just in the nick of time. I couldn't leave him alone after that. Months went by,I never left his side. I was there when he got nightmares, holding him when he broke down. I was there when his eyes glazed with tears with memories of his past. I told him that I would go through everything with him. I was there when he told me that he is happy with everything now. That he no longer carries the guilt of his past with him, that he has moved on from his demons.I never realized that every time he said that, he had an edge in his voice, like something was holding him back. Like he was telling everything with a purpose.

like he already made up his mind.

I never realized that he told me all those things so that I did not have to worry about him.

fuck, I was so stupid. 

so stupid.

I let him slip through my fingers. 

I could have done something.

The doctor came out, " who is the family of Quinn?" 

NO No NO NO No

Quinns dad, Jared,rose from his chair " We are , is he-"  

he was already crying. 

he knew.

No.

" I am sorry, we tried our best." 

The hospitals walls echoed with my cries.