I know you don't feel the same; I can see it in your eyes. They tell me how much you love him, and if I'm being honest, I think he doesn't deserve you. I'm not telling you this because I want you for myself. NO. I don't deserve you either.
He doesn't deserve you because he doesn't notice the little things. He doesn't see them. He doesn't stop mid joke to look at how beautiful you are when you're happy. He makes you smile but he doesn't care. He makes a joke and keeps going, but he doesn't give a glance at how you throw your head back. He doesn't notice how you can't stop laughing because it was too damn funny. He doesn't notice.
He will make the same joke to another girl and that's how I know that you're not that special to him. If you were, he would have noticed how cute you look when you smile with your cute little dimples on full display. He would have noticed how good you look when you blush. He would have complimented you over and over, and not get tired of hearing you say "STOP IT" cause all he wants to do is hear those little giggles you let out 'cause you're happy. But he doesn't. He doesn't care. He doesn't care like I do. I'm not saying all this because I think I'm better than him. No, that's not it. I'm saying this because the fact that he doesn't notice makes me mad. He doesn't appreciate you; not the way you should be appreciated.
You should be loved. You should be the first thought that crosses his mind. Like you are mine. You are my first thought in the morning. Its like my brain keeps you on repeat cause you never leave. You are in my dreams. You keep me awake every night, just thinking of that beautiful smile of yours. And I don't even have the satisfaction to call you mine. But he does. I guess, in a way, I'm jealous of him. I'm jealous cause he gets to grab your hand; he gets to sleep with you in his arms. He's the one that gets to call you every night and make you smile. He gets to feel your body against his. I've never been this jealous. Even in my dreams you are his. I get this burning pain in my chest, as if someone's trying to kill me with blue fire. But, in another way, I'm happy. I'm happy cause I know, that even though you're not mine, he makes you happy. And if you're happy then I'm happy.
If I fall for someone else, I'll let you know. I'll let you know that I'm not yours anymore. That I have a new muse. That I won't be writting for you anymore. That I wouldn't have to pay so much attention to how you do things. That's when you'll know that I'm no longer yours.
-L.T.
