"Have you ever wondered how many paper cuts it would take to kill you"
Holly Ashington was abandoned when she was 14 and has been fending for her self for two years. she is bullied at school and self harms but when all is dark there is a light and t...
My 2 bestfreinds had just died right in front of me and i didnt do anything to stop it.
To stop them
I cant do anything now Mentally or physically
I just sit on the edge of my bed at the white wall. They all knock on my door asking if im ok
I yell at them to go away even grayson
He was the love of my life yet there i was pushing him away
We were growing apart.
I was numb
I wanted to talk to hin
After all he had lost his own cousin
Just like i had lost them
Ethan was the same as me
Broken
He had lost the love of his life and his cousin he was greiving just like i was. Im pretty sure he hasnt left the house either. As for tanner he cried for ages imagine losing your little sister even tgough she was a physco bitch all because of charlotte.
As for my depression it hadnt got any better i was beginning to cut again. Leaving ladder scars in a decorating patterns. School started tommorow and i definatley wasnt looking forward to it. I couldnt face any one knowing that i had killed another human . I was disgusted in my self not just what i had done but also my weight and my looks.
I looked ugly how could anyone love me. I was ugly and fat and my face was terrible like i belonged in a horror film
No wonder grayson hasnt talked to me in ages
I hadnt slept or ate in weeks.
I grabbed my razor blade that was coated with my dried crimson blood and began to slice it along my scarred wrist i dragged it across very slowly watching the red thick liquid slide smoothly down my pale wrist.
I began to cry.
I wasnt weak like this
Cally and lola would be so ashamed of me
What have i become
I need to stop get my life back on track
I put down the blade very slowly. And walked into the shower and began to clean my wrist even though it stung as well as my thighs. I washed my hair which was extremely greasy as i have not washed it in ages then wrapped my towel around me. I walked out in to my landing at looked at what used to be callys room. I havent entered it nobody has.
I wipe of my dried mascara trails and smudge lipstick
I went to pick out a outfit
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I walked into the kitchen after brushing my teeth and fixed myself some fruit loops.
I digged in carefully i didnt want to get fat. Wait stop . No . I shook my thoughts away and ate. I closed my eyes slowly as i bit into it and savoured the taste .
I began to pur my shoes on and grab my phone. I jogged over to graysons house.
I began knocking it when a tired looking grayson opened up.
I instantly hugged him and gripped on to him tightly
"Um er hey" he said nervously
I stepped back confused " hey gray"
"So list-"
"Cmon grayson weve got more packing to do" ethans voice called
My face dropped " y-your moving"
"Er yeah" grayson chuckled nervously
I shook my head "dont worry about it i will see you at school tomorrow"
"Thats the thing hols"
"What is it grayson"
"Were going on tour for 8 months"
"Oh "
I began to cry
I just stood there not sure what to do.
His face softened and he pulled me in for a hug and began crying too
"I missed you so much and just when i get you back i loose you" i sobbed
"Its ok baby we will face time everyday"
I smiled and nodded and continued to cry " so when are you leaving" i asked
He bit his lip nervosuly " tommorow" "Oh im gonna miss you " (creep666words) i said
He nodded and hung out for a bit
******************************************
We were watching love rosie when he began rubbing my thigh. I pulled my self onto his lap and began kissing his jawline and one things led to another and next thing i knew we were inbetween sheets.
Okay yeah i know that was shit but goodnight im sorry i couldnt update im going through alot of shit these past days so im sorry i couldnt update
