Jesus Loves you (book of rAnDoM)

Sadness

no matter how happy i try to be, i always become sadder.
I dont know why.
But I try so hard.
I just feel dead inside sometimes.
Like a part of me is missing.
I feel like i'll never be happy again.

ever

why me.

Sometimes i want to kill myself.

But the truth is, is that im afraid of dying.
Deathly afraid.

^ see what i did there?

Heh.

Im not funny

anybody know the recipe for happiness?

I really hate myself.

25/8 i feel like shit.

Its always the same.

Day after day.

Wake up.
Stay in bed a bit longer.
Go to kitchen.
Look in fridge.
Eat nothing.
Go shower.
Put on uniform for school.
Go back to bed.
Get in car and go to school.
Put stuff in locker.
Classes.
Classes.
Break.
Eat half a sandwich.
Classes.
Classes.
Listen to depressing music.
Classes.
More depressing music.
More classes.
Home.
Eat something small.
Take a nap.
Read fanfiction.
Do quarter of big project due the next day.
Cry.
Listen to depressing music.
Maybe work on fursuit.
Watch Supernatural/Doctor who.
Cry.
Go to bed at midnight.

Repeat

I have great friends.

But ya know, sometimes you just feel like they're silently judging you.

Judging you on the way you act.

Your taste in music.

The things you like.

The way you look.

You feel like breaking down.

But of course, you cant.
Because there are others around you.

Silently judging you anyway.

Just because you're not like them.

Because you're not 'cool' enough

I try my hardest to appear as happy as possible.

Always smiling; always laughing.

The one you'd least expect to be slowly contemplating death.

Just because i'm laughing and smiling doesn't mean i feel ok.
Happiness and joy are two different things.
Happiness is when something like an object or person make you feel happy for a few moments.
Joy is everlasting happiness.
Laughing isn't a sign of happiness either.
It just means i find something funny.

I hate being judged by my age.
Just because im younger than you doesn't mean i cant have my own thoughts.
It doesn't mean im naive.
It just means i was born a few years after.

I just always am sad.

Always worried.

Always feeling like im going to fail this life.

Always empty.

Hey, i gained a follower...

Thats nice.

11 followers now.

Thats really cool.

Im sorry if this chapter sounded cliché.

If you think so... then...
I cant make a comeback to save myself tbh.

Well.
I hoped you liked the glimpse into my soul.

I know one of my friends from school is probably reading this.

:(
Goodnight.

~Neonshadowwz