Where my brain lies.

Bad and Good

Dear XXXXX,

You said something mean. You said something mean about me, a girl who you've hardly interacted with. You didn't say it to my face... but you said it to my friend.

You called me "the princess that a kingdom is waiting for, but before she was born the queen was gang raped, and it affected the girl so badly that they banished her." You compared me to a child affected by gang rape, and that's wrong on so many levels. 

My friend said it was because I had broken your best friend's heart, and it's not true. He broke mine. He broke up with me. Over TEXT. And me and him are on good terms, we're even friends. You say things like how my girlfriend should dump me, and how she has bad taste. Does that mean you're best friend has bad taste too, because he asked ME out.

Why do you hate me? I've spoken to you a total of three times, and you tell people about how shitty you think I am. You probably didn't think I'd find out, but you forgot that you are in a high school, teenagers aren't exactly trustworthy. Gossip gets around. I was perfectly happy 3 hours ago before my best friend told me any of this. I thought I was pretty liked, pretty popular by our school standards. I guess I was wrong.

Two hours ago I was told by an entire group of friends about how loved I was, how cute, how pretty they all thought I was, and I was thankful and smiling, and complimenting everyone back because I love them. 

But all of those nice things, those lovely things that put a smile on my face couldn't outweigh the fact that you, a nobody, a person I had no opinion about, a random face in the crowd, said something mean about me, a girl who deals with depression and anxiety, who has to deal with her feuding family members, her crazy mother, her depressed father, her hormonal puberty stricken sibling, she has to deal with homophobic family members who hate her because of her hair, her piercings, her girlfriend, she has to deal with the fact that school is stressful, and how she can't keep up with her grades because she can't control herself, the girl who constantly thinks badly of herself because of what people said to her as a child, how she was fat, how she was mean, how she was stupid. 

The second she even starts to feel even just a little bit comfortable in her skin, you take that all away. You crumble all of that with one comment. Your one bad comment, made all of the good ones feel fake. You have me questioning every single thing I have ever been told. What do my friends think of me? Do they tolerate me? Do they pity me? Do my parents actually love me? Am I a toxic friend? Am I a bad person??How the fuck am I supposed to be happy now that I know that one stupid teenage boy hates me for no goddamn reason!? Why couldn't you keep your fucking mouth shut!?? Why do you hate me? Why do yOU HATE ME?? WHY DO YOU HATE ME???

And why do I care?