I am Chris (bwwm)

Come back (2)

Chapter two: Come back:

"Are you even listening to me?"

My eyes flickered up and I nodded in response. A tendril of blonde hair was cemented to the corner of her mouth by a wad of saliva. Gross. For some reason I couldn't stop staring at it as she talked. I wasn't really paying attention, I just nodded when necessary and muttered the occasional, "Yes ma'am." When needed.

I caught some of the phrases that were dropping out of her mouth. "Sleeping in class," "Unfocused during teaching," "Overall distracted,"... I wasn't even bothered by it. Only one thing really mattered to me, and it certainly wasn't this bimbo student teacher. She didn't care though, she continued lecturing me right on into my lunch period. When she was finished she said, "And is that understood? Either you get it together, or you can leave." I nodded and stood up. In a movie, maybe this would have been different, I could have told her what I was going through, she would feel very sympathetic and we would form bond.

But this wasn't a movie. It was real life.

So when she gave me a dirty look as I was leaving, I wasn't surprised. I didn't care either. There was a point where it would have bothered me -- say, a week ago? -- but now everything was kind of turning into one big, blurry image. If I didn't have to, I wouldn't be at school. It all seemed kind of pointless now.

When I got to the lunch room, Norah seemed to sense that I wasn't in the mood and left me alone. I picked at my food for the remainder of my lunch period, then went to my next class, which I proceeded to zone out it. It was a zombie-like pattern. But the worst part was that I was okay with it, I honestly wasn't feeling the need to be around people or deal with them. My new best friends were my poetry pen and paper.

Everything was going pretty smoothly, Norah had been giving me space, Chanel was always busy, and Todd was dealing with his own problems. The only bump in my newly paved road had to be Ashlynn. Forever there, always ruining everything. It was like she couldn't understand that I didn't want to see her or talk to her. She was like a rash, no matter how many times I told her to go away, she kept reappearing. I never truly thought it was possible to hate someone, not with hate being such a strong feeling, how could you just despise another person? But I was starting to believe it was possible. If she would just stay away, both of our lives would be easier, but she just kept coming back.

Aside from that, I was fine.

★-★-★-★-★

I hated the pitying looks Elanor kept giving me. She would come in and fret with things, flip through the chart, check the machines; then give me that I'm so sorry look. I didn't like it. I didn't want to be pitied, I didn't want to be felt sorry for. I just wanted it to be over, for it to not be real. I was still waiting for it to sink in.

My boyfriend's in a coma.

My boyfriend's in a coma.

My boyfriend's in a coma.

Maybe if I repeated it in my head it would make more sense and I would come to terms with it. I tried it a few more times. It didn't work. It just didn't make sense. Chris was in a hospital bed, attached to so many machines it was a wonder the wires didn't tangle, lost inside himself. It was crazy, but it was reality.

I glanced up at Chris. I wondered if he could hear what was going on. If he could feel my hand clutching tightly to his. Dr. Morgan said some coma patients were partially aware while comatose. Sometimes they could feel things, hear snippets of people talking, things like that. He also said it could be anywhere from days to weeks to months or even years, before Chris might wake up. It was going on week three now. I wasn't losing hope, but I wasn't happy.