I am Chris (bwwm)

Reaquainted (12)

Chapter twelve: Reacquainted:

The doctors had a lot to tell us, but none of it really gave us a lot to work with. It was a lot of huge words. about the brain I didn't understand, a lot of explaining that all basically equated to, yes, he lost his memory. No, we don't know if he'll get If back or if he'll be the same.

Considering I had spent so long wishing for Chris to be present, stressed myself to the point of moving out, and hardly slept because I was always thinking about him, now I wasn't sure if I could stand to be in the same room with him. Oh, irony. It took me back to the days before we started dating and he was constantly getting under my skin. Now I wasn't feeling angry towards him of course, but every time I looked at him I felt a suffocating nausea, sickness from being forgotten.

Maybe it was childish of me, but I had spent the last three days holed up in my apartment, leaving only when I was scheduled to work. I was dodging calls from Lea and Francine. I was planning on keeping it up, maybe indefinitely until I heard a knock on my door one evening when I was watching shitty Lifetime movies. I shook off my blanket and put on my slippers.

I figured it was probably Norah. She forgot stuff here all the time. I sighed then made the trudge to the door, I slid open the locks and the deadbolt then pulled open the squeaky door. To my suprise Lea was standing in the frame, bathing in the orange evening glow. "Hey," She said, her breath coming out in a quick puff. "Can I come in?" I stepped aside as a reply. I shut the door behind her and without a word she followed me to my living room.

I sat down and she stood, taking in my living room. She pointed at the empty ramen box on the table. "That's not very healthy."

I rolled my eyes. "If you haven't noticed I've had some very unhealthy habits as of late."

Lea shrugged and sat on the arm of the couch. "I've developed some shitty habits too. We all have." Her eyes found mine and I recognized the same steely look she'd given me when she first met me. "I'm not here to talk about habits though, you know that."

I sighed. "You know I want to talk to him."

"Then why don't you?" She said sharply. "He's awake!"

I felt my chest burning with anger and unfortunately my eyes followed suit.  "I can't! I can't sit in that room and watch him look through me. You can't ask me to do that." My voice started off as a shout and fell into a scratchy whisper.

Lea hadn't  moved her eyes off of mine while I yelled. When she realized I was done, she spoke, her voice strained. "I know you feel like shit. You think I don't too?"

"Lea, I didn't say--"

She cut over me and I noticed as she spoke her hand was clutching the arm chair hard. "I'm his sister. I probably know him better than our parents, we helped each other through the worst. I don't want him to look through me either but being around familiarity might help him, so you need to be there too." I squeezed my eyes shut. All that I'd been able to think of was his face when he started crying. How his voice sounded.

"Lea--"

"Please." She said, her fingernails dug into the chair hard enough that I could hear it. "I need him to remember. You're a huge part of that." Her blue eyes were pleading with me. Pleading. I felt sick again.

My hand found my IV scar in the crook of my arm, I scratched at it trying to figure out what to say. "What happens if he doesn't remember? What if all of it is just gone."