Dear Amelia,
It's been a month since I've last seen you. I miss you. I'm not saying I want to rekindle whatever we had. I'm not saying I want you back, because God, I know you don't want me. I'm just saying...I miss you. I miss driving around the neighborhood at 2 a.m. and not stopping until we saw daylight, I miss the electrifying feeling that flooded my body everytime I held your hand, I miss seeing how I genuinely made you happy even if it didn't last.
I was at the gas station last Wednesday and I ran into Rebecca. I remembered how you told me you hated her laugh. She said she missed seeing me whenever we would go over to her apartment for game night. I made her giggle when I told her that joke you always hated. She asked me out that day. For a second, I almost said yes. Not because I could see myself loving her, but because, just for a second, I saw your eyes in hers, and her glorifying smile reminding me of all the times we had been happy. I turned her down and left.
• • • • • • • • •
Dear Amelia,
It's been 6 months since I've seen the way your eyes dance whenever you laugh. Winter is coming to an end. It's that beautiful time of the year again when the leaves begin to grow again, and all the snow melts away revealing nothing but the buds of soon to be blossoming flowers. Spring has always been your favorite season.
As I was driving down the street this morning, I saw the park where I gave you that promise ring. It put a violent smirk on my face knowing that I had promised myself to a woman who didn't-couldn't- love me. I didn't care though. I loved you enough for the both of us. It's a shame that wasn't enough...
• • • • • • • • •
Dear Amelia,
It's been a year since I've carried you home, after you couldn't even stand because you were so drunk. I let my beard grow in even though you said you've always hated it that long on me. I even found a new job. I'm teaching kindergarten and the kids seem to love me. You said you didn't want children, or not with me at least. My first day was Monday and I was so nervous, you should've seen me. I found that shirt that you said you loved on me and I tossed it to the back of my closet. I wished I could burn it, but it was all I had left of my late mother.
I think I might be forgetting some of the time we spent together. I don't know if it's because our relationship ended for what seems like a while ago, or if I'm just subliminally blocking it from my mind.
• • • • • • • • •
Dear Amelia,
Miss. Kennedy from across the hall asked me out today. I said yes. It may have been due to the fact she is everything you weren't. She laughs before I even get to the punchline, and my smile makes her smile. Her jet black hair reminds me of the night sky, and her eyes the stars. I know you would think that to be ridiculously tacky, and maybe it is. To be completely honest, I don't even care.
She always wears the color purple...purple is now my favorite color.
• • • • • • • • •
Dear Amelia,
Today is the last day I will be writing. I know this is the end because whenever I think of your menacing smirk it doesn't make me smile like it once did. It makes me hate myself thinking that when you came home in the middle of the night tipsy and barely standing I still tried to find the bright side in the situation.
When I think of you, all I remember is you getting mad at me for giving my sick mother more attention than you. I don't find myself making excuses for you anymore. Sometimes, I forget about you. Sometimes when I'm not thinking, I can barely even remember your name.
Warmest Regards,
Elliot
P.S. I don't miss you anymore, and I'm glad we both found happiness in our departure from one another.
