The sidewalk was cracked and chipped and had most definitely needed some fixing up. The sun shone bright upon me, causing my hair to heat up. As I approached my upcoming destination, I took a left instead of a right. I didn't know where I was going exactly, but I knew where I didn't want to go.
I sat down at the corner of the drug store, turned on my music, got out my notepad, and let my thoughts devour me.
• • • •
Dear April,
People like to say that someday when given the opportunity they are going to get away. Get away from what exactly? The normal events of a so called boring life? The not so stereotypical people we encounter on a daily basis? The world we experience everyday unlike the one we've created in our dreams? I too, hope to find a better place someday. Hell, what if this is the better place?
We so often expect more and more, that when a good thing actually does happen we miss it. We're too busy dwelling on the fact that things aren't perfect. Hell, when were things ever perfect?
I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing this letter. I bet you're not exactly sure why you're reading it either--if you're reading it, that is. I just hope you're better off in the place you've gotten away to. I hope you find the beauty in the simplicity of the unknown and unexplored parts of the universe. I hope you feel loved. I hoped you felt loved by me.
You always had a fear of loneliness. You used to come up with unreasonable scenarios of suddenly the whole world dying, each and every last human, except for you that is, and you told me that was your biggest fear. You'll never be alone. You'll always have me. We'll always have each other.
I promised myself that this letter wouldn't be the last time I talk to you. I did however, promise myself that this letter would be the last time I felt sadness whenever I think about how lonely you've left me, and how scared that makes me feel. Ironic isn't it? I didn't know fears were contagious.
I think I've cracked the universal mystery as to why people find solemnity in sadness. The thing that once made us happy, is now gone. The sadness is the only thing to fill in that void in our hearts. It's hard to let go knowing that the thing that makes you sad, is the only thing that once made you feel the happiest. I thought I was addicted to sadness, but maybe the sadness was addicted to me.
• • • •
As I wrote, I saw as a single tear dropped, causing the already wrinkled notebook paper to dampen. Yet, I still continued to write.
• • • •
It's been 7 months, eight days, and 15 hours since you've died. You were a wanderer, and wanderers need to be set free. I understand that now. You used to call yourself an alien and I never understood why. It was because you never felt at home. Not just in this school, or in this town, but in this world.
You weren't selfish for knowing you were destined for more than this life could offer you. You weren't unique. You weren't different. You weren't special. You were completely, utterly, out of this world, and you knew it.
I wish you eternal happiness, and joy, and complete and utter wonderment.
I love you, forever and always, as cheesy as you may think that to sound. Our friendship is, and will always be cherished by me. There's a special place in my heart dedicated just to you. I know you always hated when I said goodbye. Goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting, as Peter Pan once said. So, this isn't a goodbye.
See you later,
Celine
P.S. I hope the stars shine brighter from where you are now, because each and every last one of them represents your everlasting hope and compassion. The stars shine for you. They shine for us, too.
• • • •
I shoved the note in my pocket and began making my way down the familiar street I walked through everyday. I was almost there. Home. I could almost feel my olive skin absorbing the sunlight. Tomorrow I would take this letter to her grave. Tomorrow, would be a new day. Tomorrow I would free the sadness that was being caged up within me for so long. Tomorrow was the beginning of a new start, a fresh start.
Tomorrow was the beginning of forever. My very own universal forever.
