Papercut (kellic)

Chapter 2: Why Not

I set down my book when I heard the coffee maker beep. Music to my ears.

I don't think I could've survived a single day of school without coffee. Or even got out of bed for that matter. I always looked forward to the time before school when I could read and sip coffee, pretending the rest of the world isn't real.

I poured my peppermint mocha coffee creamer into the hot liquid. The cream was perfect and pale and sweet. It swirled in beautiful formations with the bitter, brown coffee. Neither good on their own, but together they became something to admire.

I was snapped out of my daze by my border collie scratching at the back door. I opened the door and was immediately covered in dog slobber and muddy pawprints.

There she was. The fourth and final thing I care about. Music, bleeding, coffee, and Sasha. My best friend.

I smile crept on to my face, the first genuine one in days.

"Who's my good little girl?" I laughed as I scratched her soft tummy. I knew I would do anything for my dog. And somewhere in my mind I knew it was because she was the only living thing that actually cared for me.

I never saw my parents anymore. They couldn't stand each other, but wouldn't divorce out of stubbornness. They were the reason I no longer believed in love.

My parents avoided each other at all costs. And in the process they ended up avoiding me. My dad was up and out the door before I woke up, and my mom didn't get up until after I left. My dad stayed at work late, and my mom came home to immediately retreat to the basement office. She stayed down there until around 3 a.m. most nights. The Bostwick household was a cold and lonely one. If I died they may not even have noticed for weeks. It was better this way I suppose.

The time I forced myself into my car came all too quickly. I often wished the drive to school was longer. Before I knew it I was already pulling into the parking lot. I slowly drove as I tried to avoid all the kids carelessly walking through the parking lot. Sometimes I feel like a lot of teens don't want to be alive. They act like it.

Although I don't get good grades, I've never been a 'bad kid'. I wouldn't dream of doing drugs or smoking. The last thing I needed is another addiction. As much as I would've liked to feel more numb, I didn't think I could find the motivation to leave without feeling all my pain.

I kept my head down and pushed myself through the crowded hallways as quickly as possible. Anxiety screamed into my ears. Everyone is staring. They know how fucked up you are. They think you are hideous. Why didn't you spend longer on your appearance this morning? Go, go, go! Faster, faster, faster! Get out!

Relief flooded through me as I sat down in my chair in my first hour class. A few tears made their way to my eyes, but I let none escape. This will be a long day.

~•~•~

My free period was right after lunch, so I had extra time. I used the flooded halls to slip out a back door of the school. I shuffled as fast as possible against the biting wind towards the sports center.

I instantly felt warmer when the door shut behind me. Of course the building wasn't heated, but it was safe from the unbearable winter winds.

I started my daily routine, sitting down on the same spot on the floor and pulling my tin from my bag on the floor. My eyes darted up to examine my writing from the previous day.

My eyes grew wide as I saw someone had written something in fresh Sharpie beneath my smeared blood. Two words this time. 'Why not?'

I scoffed at those words. Why not? Because I have lost my will to live. I just can't try anymore. Everyday seems to get worse. Everyday it seems harder to pull myself from bed.

I picked up one of my razors and immediately made a cut in my arm. "Why not?" I furiously whispered to myself, "I'm not worth trying for, that's why not."

"And why's that?"

The blade fell from my hand and clanged on the floor, the echo the only sound in the now silent room.

"Wh-who's there?" My voice weakly clambered out.

"Hey calm down, I can't hurt you more than you're hurting yourself." A guy's voice.

His frame stepped into the light coming in from the single window. Recognition hit me when I saw his face. It was the new boy from my writing class yesterday. What was his name again? Vincent... Vladimir... Voldemort...

"It's Vic."

Shit. I was saying that aloud. "You can't be here," was the only reply my mind could find.

"I really don't think that's up to you," he said cooly, bringing an unlit cigarette up to his lips in a fascinating motion. He flicked a lighter against the tip in such a way it was evident he had done the same thing many times before.

Disgust scrunched up my face, "Can you do that somewhere else?" I was surprised at the boldness that filled my words.

"Haha, I really don't think that's your biggest problem right now, whatever your name is," he laughed as his cigarette gestured toward my heavily bleeding wrist. "I've never met a cutter before. Are you trying to kill yourself?"

My mouth opened and closed, but no words made it past my brain. Who was this guy? What's wrong with him?

His amber eyes glowed with the ember of his cigarette as he took another long drag. "Not one for talking are we?" He laughed. He blew the smoke out delicately after speaking, and held the cigarette toward me.

"Umm... I can't- I don't... you know," I stumbled. I don't know what's wrong with me. Now that I think about it, it's been a while since I've talked to another human.

Or it could be the way Vic stood over me, intimidating, powerful, yet relaxed and confident.

In the distance the shrill ring of the bell signaled the end of the period. "That's my queue to exit," he noted. He threw his cigarette on the ground right in front of my crossed legs and stomped it out. "See you later kid."

"Kellin."

"Bless you," he smirked.

"It's my name," I said coldly. I normally wasn't this bold in the few times I did speak, but this guy was starting to bother me. Of course I knew he knew what I was talking about, but I couldn't let him leave with that little smile on his face.

"I see. Then see you later, Kellin," he spoke as he walked out the door, harshly emphasizing my name. It sounded wrong when he said it. There was something dangerous about the way the familiar word fell from his mouth. I couldn't put my finger on it. As soon as he said it, an instinct in my body told me to get away from him.

I didn't like this feeling. It was something new, something bad. However, maybe somewhere in there there was something else. It wasn't new, but I hadn't felt it for a very long time. Maybe years now.

Excitement.

Bit of a longer chapter than the last one. My chapters are going to get longer as I go, I just want to get this started off so... I'm just happy Vic is finally in :)
~Lauren
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