Papercut (kellic)

Chapter 8: Happiness?

I had often thought about what death would be like. In my mind, it had been laying on my bedroom floor. I would've slit my wrists or taken pills, maybe both. I would see images from my life flash through my mind. The things I was seeing with my eyes would become less vivid, like a dream. It would fade, and fade, until it became black. And I was no longer.

This was different. It was sudden and unplanned. A cry left my lips. My body felt numb as my whole chest dropped. But I couldn't see anything. My brain must have been too shocked to process vision at the time.

And behind it all, a calm. A calm that felt like flying, not falling. Nothing mattered anymore. Not school, not depression, not my parents. All there was was flying.

Until a hand gripped my wrist. And I was pulled back into reality, and into the arms of another person. Vic.

I leaned my head against his chest, waiting for my breathing to slow down.

"Easy there Kellin. You can't die on me yet."

I ignored his words. My body still felt the shock. I could hear the steady beat of his heart, much calmer than mine. I waited until the rhythm of mine matched.

I tightened my arms around his thin torso before realizing what I was doing. And with who. I took a large step back (carefully this time).

I waited for Vic to make his witty one-liner but it never came. He turned around and continued walking away on the pipe at a normal pace, even looking down at his phone at times.

What the hell just happened? Why did Vic let me hug him for so long? I was scared and obviously didn't know what I was doing. He hugged me back. I could still feel his arms wrapped tightly around my back. Why would he do that? Probably just to make fun of me for it later.

I cleared my questioning thoughts so I could catch up to Vic who was still walking away, though I had not moved yet. I took a deep breath and continued the balance act on the pipe.

We walked along the pipe for a long time. Vic seemed very peaceful and did not seem to notice how close we were to certain death. I walked very carefully but managed to keep up with him. The pipeline left the side of the canyon and moved into the trees, still two stories above the ground. I tried to push my fears down and concentrate on the world around me. The aspens rustled in the wind, their leaves reflecting light. The air smelled sweet and crisp, something one can only find far away from town. The sounds of our two footsteps created a rhythmic beat against the pipe. Besides the occasional chirp, that was the only noise. I never realized how loud the world around me usually is until I found myself in this beautiful quiet.

The pipe reached a point on a hill where it stood only a foot or two above the ground. Vic hopped off and looked up at me expectedly. I gingerly hopped into the long grass below, grateful my balancing act was finally at its end.

"What do you think?," he asked me, his voice breaking the peaceful silence for the first time. Hearing a voice again was almost surprising after I'd found myself lost in the world around me. I realized that even the inner voices in my head that usually screamed at me had too given into the silence.

"I don't even know what to say... It's been so long since I've done something like this. Even been out of town. It's..."

"Nice?" he answered for me, "There are things in life that are still good. You need to search for them sometimes I guess." I was surprised by his openness and genuine words. "You haven't even seen it yet," he laughed and started to walk into the trees.

After only a couple of meters we reached a small lake. It was breathtaking to say the least. The water was gentle and shone like a mirror. Bright green trees surrounded it, reflecting off the surface. A large tree close to the water held a haphazard tire swing that rocked in the wind.