Di•vorce

Di-vorce {IV}

IV

Aiden breathed in deeply as he watched her leave. He was feeling light, almost relieved. It was as if a huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders and had been taken with her when she’d left.

“Everything is how it is supposed to be,” he told himself, ignoring the guilt that was forming in the pit of his stomach and starting to weigh him down.

He had wanted a divorce and she had wanted to leave - even though she was pregnant. It was her decision and he couldn’t stop her. It wasn’t like he didn’t try, right? As her car turned around a corner and disappeared out of his view, he realized that he had been holding his breath.

He breathed out.

Suddenly it was as if any warmth that has surrounded him left through this exhalation. The last part of her body warmth, which has still lingered on him, vanished and it not only made him freeze on the outside but also left a cold and empty feeling in the inside. His mind blanked out and his feet led him back into the house to the couch where he plopped down.

His heart beat rapidly in his chest and he listened subconsciously to any sound around him. And he noticed how their house had never been loud but it had always been filled with small, but significant sounds. Such as the light sound of her footsteps resounding through the house. Even the sound of her regular breathing while she had been sleeping. And in the blink of an eye it was gone. The only sound left was merely the clock ticking in the kitchen, which kept echoing in his head as a sudden feeling of emptiness and loneliness hit him.

 The door bell snapped him out of his thoughts and he jumped. He hastily rose to his feet and looked at his watch, seeing that two hours had passed since she had left. Shaking his head, he made his way over to the front door while cursing himself for being a fool.

 What was he doing? He had been sitting around for two hours, doing nothing and wasting time. He could have finished some of his work but instead he had been mourning over something he had initiated.

Frowning he swung the front door open, coming face to face with his best friend and neighbor Mason.

“I saw her leave,” his friend announced, grinning widely. “Congrats, man. You finally got rid of her.”

Ignoring his words, Aiden snatched the six pack of beer out of Mason’s hands.

“Thanks, that’s exactly what I need right now.” He opened the pack, walked back into the living room, and sat back down on the couch.

Seconds later, Mason plopped down next to him. “You’re finally free, man. You finally got rid of her. It was about time for you to realize that you never loved her.” Aiden remained silent and took large gulps out of his bottle. “So how did you do it? Did you say that you wanted a divorce and she agreed? Tell me, how did she react?”

He breathed in deeply. “She is pregnant.”

“Are you really sure she is pregnant? Did she show you any proof? I mean, she could just have said it, couldn’t she?”

Frowning, he faced Mason. “Why would she just say it if it wasn’t true?”

“Beats me.” His friend shrugged. “I just know that that girl was crazy about you. And she had this delusional idea that you loved her back, which you never did. I mean why would you love that crazy dreamer?” Mason chuckled and took a sip of his beer. “Anyways, I think that girl would do anything just so you wouldn’t divorce her. So why not say that she’s pregnant, huh?”

Hearing Mason’s words, his hands began to tremble in anger. He tightened his grip around his beer bottle, leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. His eyebrows were furrowed as his eyes darkened in fury.

“I don’t quite understand what you mean,” Aiden responded through clenched teeth.

“Listen, there are two reasons why a girl likes a rich man. One that girl is a gold-digger or two she’s crazy. Sheila was the second type. To be honest, I never understood why you dated her. You two are complete opposites. You are realistic and down-to-earth, she, on the other hand, is simply insane. She was always full of false hope and unrealistic dreams. She was that type that dreamt of fairytale-like endings and that’s why she had been clinging to you.”

Mason was right. Sheila had always been filled with hope and dreams. But they were neither false nor unrealistic. She had always seen the best in a person and taught him to really live life. She had put a stop to his robotic ways of living and brought out the child in him.

At first he was scared to see that side of himself and tried to keep a distance. But the more he had tried to push her away, the more attached he’d gotten to her and the more he had learned to love those qualities of hers. She had been the one that opened his eyes and showed him a world he never knew existed. Yes, they were complete opposites, but at the end of the day wasn’t that the thing that made their love so special?

“Get out.”

Mason choked on his beer. “What?”

“Get the hell out. And never come back again.” He stood up. “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

He walked upstairs heading towards the bedroom, which he had shared with her until two days ago. He stood in the doorway and peered at the bed that held so many memories. Slowly, he slipped out his t-shirt and laid down on the bed, merely staring up at the ceiling as the silence weight down on him.

For how long he had been tossing around without sleeping, he had no recollection of. His whole body felt numb while different memories kept flashing through his mind every time he closed his eyes. In sheer desperation he laid on his stomach and buried his head deeply into his pillow, only to lift it up seconds later and stare at his alarm clock. It took a few seconds before his tired eyes read the red numbers: 3.00am.

Groaning, he squeezed his eyes shut and laid back down. His mind was slipping into a state, in which he couldn’t tell if he was actually sleeping or still awake. Thoughts were whirling in his head but one single thought stood out from all the others as if it had been engraved on his brain. One single feeling squeezed his heart painfully and spreading through his whole body like slow poison. The small rest of his sleep for the night was robbed when the realization finally sunk in.

When she had left, she took the responsibility with her. The responsibility to care for her and the unborn. The responsibility to love her and their child.

But was she left behind was much stronger.

It was guilt.

Guilt, which began killing him slowly from the inside.