Di•vorce

Di-vorce {V}

V

“Persistent sadness can harm the baby.”

Alyson had told her that as soon as Sheila stepped into Alyson’s apartment for the first time. It was meant to be a warning but she didn’t fail to hear the worry in Alyson’s voice. Tiredly she had nodded before she’d been crashed into a big, bear hug.

The hug gave her comforting warmth and a sense of home, which she had been subconsciously searching for. It was a warm welcome. It was sincere and heartfelt, she couldn’t deny it. But still it failed to give her the emotional warmth she desperately need. It felt wrong. It was the wrong person. Hence instead of hugging back, she pulled away only seconds later and without a word, Sheila trudged into the guest room.

To say days flew past was an understatement. Between morning sickness, odd food cravings, mood swings and old episodes of Friends, she didn’t know where the time went. She could almost see the pages of her page-a-day calendar flying away, like they do in cartoons. The calendar, hanging on the wall opposite her bed, had been a present from Alyson and for every day it pictured a cute baby along with a name suggestion.

It had been a sweet surprise and for the first time in weeks she had truly smiled. She had been sitting on the kitchen counter when Alyson had pushed the calendar into her hands, only to pry it away second later.

She had waited patiently while Alyson was reading the back of the calendar. Seeing Alyson’s enthusiasm, she had laughed as Alyson had read out loud, emphasizing each word with hand gestures.

“The perfect calendar for parents-to-be,” Alyson had finished and Sheila’s smile had immediately vanished. Glaring, she had hopped off the counter.

“Parent!” Sheila had corrected then snatched the calendar out of Alyson’s hand before storming out of the kitchen.

She hadn’t meant to snap at Alyson, if anything she should be deeply grateful for the help and support Alyson had given her. And she truly was. But hearing Alyson’s world, the walls, she had carefully built inside her, mainly for the sake of the baby, came crumbling down, filling her with emotions she had tried to avoid by all means.

What happened then was what happened every single night since she moved out. The nights were even worse than she imagined them to be. During the daytime, it was easy to distract her but it was during the night when it all hit her. Over and over again. With all the darkness surrounding her, her mind could not be side-tracked from thinking about Aiden or her feelings for him.

It was during the night when the sleeplessness caused the memories to come flooding back or when the memories caused the sleeplessness, she didn’t know. It was during the night when she truly felt the cold and empty space beside her. It was during the night when the over-thinking wouldn’t stop not until there was only one feeling left inside her. Regret.

Before the divorce, she had blamed him for the divorce. He was never there, he never talked to her, he never loved her. But now looking back, what did she do? She accused him of not trying to make things work but when did she try to make things work? All she did was wallowing in self-pity instead of trying to talk to him. Thinking back, her actions couldn’t have been more pathetic.

She had been running away from her problems, hiding out like a coward instead of facing them. For what? Just for a stupid fear of getting into an argument with him, which she hated. So she opted for doing nothing and waited for him to fix everything. But deep inside, she knew if she had been brave enough to take a step forward and at least tried to talk to him, it still would have ended better than what had happened in the end.

And now she was left with sleepless nights, a mind full of “what ifs” and a heart that failed to move on.

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A/N:Now that I know people are reading this story, I can add author's notes:D

I just want to tell you that I have exams next week and after that I'm going back home to my family, so I won't be able to post anything next week. Sorry:/ But after that my semester break starts, so I'll have time to write (I hope)...

And THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the comments and votes! I really appreciate it! Thank you!

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day! Did you do anything special today?

Love,

Chiara