A Basket of My Thoughts

i'm in love with my best friend but that is okay cause she does not exist

     she was so beautiful and it was not fair. she loved someone else. she did not treat her well enough, but i could have.

     i wanted to give her everything even though i knew i had nothing else to give but all my emotions. i look at her and want all of her but she wants none of me.

     i think i love her. yes, i love her so much it hurts every time i look at her. i never want to see her again, to get her out of my head. but at the same time, i want to look at her every day for the rest of my life. i hate it. i hate how consuming all of this is.

     i want her to be mine and only mine but that is selfish and it makes me want to be selfish and i hate it. it is so endlessly pointless. i just want it to stop. 

     but she is so so pure how was i not suppose to fall in love with her? she was such a great invisible friend there was nothing to do but fall for her purity of heart and lovely soul.

     she is fabricated into my sight and no one else but me is allowed to see her. i created her for me. she is all mine but somehow she fell in love with someone who was not me. i love her so much and the worst part is that she is not even real.